


The White Room

by terrahfry



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Bottom Gerard Way, Eventual Romance, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Institutions, Original Character(s), Past Rape/Non-con, Self-Harm, Top Frank Iero
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-09-19 15:47:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9448790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terrahfry/pseuds/terrahfry
Summary: After being held captive for a week by three men, Gerard Way ends up in a mental institution, where even after their convictions he remains following a break down. Then an orderly named Frank Iero takes an interest in him and befriends him, but Gerard just can't understand why Frank thinks he's so wonderful.





	1. Captive

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I'm going to give this a try. Italics are thoughts or dreams And if something is spelled wrong, it's either a mistake that I missed, or it's supposed to be.

Gerard laid on his side on the hard mattress with the scratchy sheets, staring at the blank white wall in the darkened room. There wasn't much light so he could see. They had provided him with a small night light because he couldn't stand to be kept in the dark, he couldn't sleep that way, not anymore. His eyes were heavy, he was definitely tired as hell, but his mind refused to shut down and let him slip into the blissful unknown of dreamland. Maybe because in dreamland, They appeared. They were still there, and he'd never be free of Them. At least here in this room, he was free from Them. But here in this room, in this sterile white place of mental agony, he was not free, he'd never be free. Because of them he'd never be free, and oh, how he hated that.

It was the nights that were the worst. He was alone, trapped in this boring sterile room with its bare walls. But it wasn't quite a padded cell, and he wasn't strapped down at least, not now anyway. He had been when they first brought him here, they had to, he guessed, he struggled and screamed to be let go, still trapped in his head with the three bad men who had kept him prisoner. The nurses stuck him with needles, how he fucking hated needles, pumped him full of drugs and sedatives. At least with the sedatives he finally got some sleep. In fact, a part of him wished he had some now.. in pill form, not the needles the orderlies and nurses loved to use when he got beyond his own control. Those men, they stuck him with needles while they had him to torture him and punish him for not giving in willingly.. even though he suspects they really liked when he cried and struggled to get free of their grasp.

He could still feel their hands, roaming over his body, stripping him, unwanted fingers exploring his skin.. horrid voices laughing when he shuddered and pleaded to be let go.

He hated their filthy hands on him, hated when they cooed about how pretty he was, how they wanted to make him dirty. And they did, they made him dirty. Over and over again.

He felt that choked feeling rising in his throat and turned on over to his stomach, hiding his face in the pillow. The dark, the smothering dark. They kept him for a week in the dark, only coming in to play with him. He was their toy. And he's still not free of them. They're still there, mocking him.

No, they we're caught. They were put on trial. Gerard remembers the trials, being put on the stand and having all those people look at him as either a helpless pathetic victim, or a whore. He remembers looking over to see the face of one of his captors, their leader Bill Linus, as he told the jury what had been done to him, he remembers the lust in Linus' eyes as he heard the recount of the rape and torture, remembers how he licked his smirking lips. Gerard was recalling a good memory for him, and that made him sick. It was hell and pain for him, but it was pride and satisfaction for his captor. He only went through the three separate trials for the evil men to make sure they went away forever and could never hurt another innocent person. Not that Gerard could say he himself was innocent, he shouldn't have been at that bar. He should've been home, finishing his comic, now it would never get finished. But even though they all went to prison, Bill Linus, Jeremiah Powell and Cameron Mooch, it wouldn't change what they had put him through.

He was only still in this place because the doctors deemed him a danger to himself. He wasn't sure what he had been thinking. It was during the last trial, Bill's trial, that he just blacked out, he doesn't remember going into the bathroom, smashing the mirror and using one of the shards to slash his wrist. He wasn't sure he was trying to kill himself, or what. But his lawyer found him, they took him to the hospital and put him on suicide watch. He couldn't even be at the rest of the trial, but the man was convicted anyhow, thankfully. But Gerard was sent back here, back to the Gateway Mental Institution that might turn out to be forever his home. He was brought here when he was first rescued, he had spent time here getting better, taking his meds, talking in therapy. They deemed him stable enough to testify in court. If he could have just made it through that last trial, he would have been free. But when he saw how pleased his captor was, went through his captor's lawyer basically telling the entire courtroom he was a drunken whore who had stayed there willingly, he just couldn't take it. It was too much. The lawyer had been right, Gerard was dirty, it was his fault, but he had not been there willingly. He had not enjoyed it, any of it. He just wanted out. He wanted pain he controlled, not pain controlled by someone else, that he didn't want. Well, at least they didn't strap him down anymore. He wouldn't even talk when they first brought him back here, what was there to say? His life was over. He was ruined.

\--xx--

_Gerard was in that dirty room where they kept him. He could still smell the stench of decay in the room, the stench of the old mattress that laid in the floor for him to lay on. It was covered in sweat and bodily functions, cum, blood and who knows else what. He would have preferred to not lay on the mattress, but the floor was bare and concrete, hard and so cold. There was nothing else in the room but a lawn chair with a hole cut in the seat and a bucket underneath it to use as a toilet. It was dark and damp and the smell of mildew lingered in the air._

_He thought he was alone in the room, but a pair of hands grabbed his wrists above his head, holding them down to the mattress. "Now be the fuck still, pretty baby. We're gonna have some fun." Cameron snickered as Gerard struggled and squirmed. Cameron was the youngest of the gang, but still middle-aged._

_"No.." Gerard didn't recognize his own voice, it sounded so small and wounded. He whimpered. "Please don't.."_

_"Hush now, sweet thing.." Jeremiah smirked, pulling Gerard's underwear down his hips and thighs, tossing them away and leaving him exposed and vulnerable. Gerard tried to shut his legs, but Jeremiah pushed them back apart. "There you go.. so lovely.." He cooed, running the rough palms of his hands up Gerard's sides and stomach and over his chest._

_Bill was leaning against the wall, smiling sadistically as he watched until his face began to blur and fade away, his laugh ringing through Gerard's conscious._

Gerard wasn't sure when he had went to sleep, but he had apparently. He woke panting fearfully, cold and sweaty. It was just a dream, he knew.. but it had happened and that didn't make it any easier.

\--xx--

Gerard sat in the rec room later that morning, not really watching the tv that droned on in the background. He had not went back to sleep after the nightmare and he was so tired, but so awake. He missed coffee. He missed freedom. He looked down at the scar that ran across his left wrist as he traced it with his fingers. He wished he had never did it. It kept him here. Not like he could go on with life normally after what they had did to him. Not without thinking he'd end up that way again at every moment when he went out in public. No, his life would never be normal again.

It was at that time the right wrist started aching and he switched to rubbing it, wincing a bit. It was an old injury from his teens, he had tripped once trying to get away from some bullies and broke it. It still ached all these years later, usually when rain was coming. He always knew when it was going to rain. Great, rain and gloom to match his mood.

Frank Iero stood watching the guy as he sat on the couch, short black hair uncombed and sticking out every way possible, dark circles under his hazel eyes that would have looked so cool if they were just makeup and not from stress and a lack of sleep. Gerard Way, a patient who had been held hostage and raped multiple times over the course of a week. He didn't understand how anyone could hurt someone so beautiful. And he was beautiful, with flawless, pale porcelain skin, full plush lips, a cute little pixie nose that was kinda pointed at the end, and big beautiful eyes that were sometimes green and sometimes brown. They must have once been so bright and full of life, but now they stared blankly, Frank wondered if he saw anything in front of him anymore, or just the nightmare playing in his head. He watched his long delicate fingers trace the scar on his left wrist, apparently he had tried to off himself during one of the trials and ended up back here. Most of the others stayed clear of him, seeing him as unstable.

But Frank had never saw him be unstable or dangerous. Maybe a little closed off, or emotional, but he had never attacked anyone.. well, yeah, Frank heard he had been sort of defensive when he was first brought to Gateway and would yell and cry and fight to be free, even punched a male orderly for trying to hold him down, but jeez, after what the guy had been through Frank couldn't blame him. And yeah, he took spells where he didn't want to be touched or bothered, and would throw a fit if you touched him without his permission or without telling him first that you were going to, or if you got too rough- intentionally or by accident, but that was understandable. Frank got it. He had been through hell. He had a right to be 'unstable' and not want people's hands all over him. And even though, Frank wanted to touch him, he would never do so without Gerard wanting him to. He respected his boundaries.

Frank could care less if he was unstable, he liked him, wanted to be around him, know more about him. Gerard fascinated him. So Frank started working more with Gerard, tried to talk to him and befriend him. Gerard barely said a word, and would mostly mutter, but Frank didn't mind. He didn't even mind when Gerard would glare at him when he first started, he had stopped soon after.

"Hey, Iero, are you gonna get to work or stand there like an idiot all day?" Another orderly by the name of Lenny snarled. It was the same one Gerard had punched. Frank smirked at the thought, he wished he could have seen it, just to see this fucker get popped one. Lenny was a douche-bag if there ever was one.

Frank merely shrugged and turned to flash Lenny a wry smile. "I was honestly considering it, Aggler, but thanks for asking."

Lenny glared at him and shoved a strand of his long yellow-blond hair behind his ear. Lenny was tall and lanky but toned, with stony blue eyes and a narrow face. He kinda looked like the standard cliche of a stoner kid slash rock wannabe. "Just get to work."

Frank saluted him. "Aye-aye, captain." And he was about his business, flashing one last glance to Gerard, who paid mind to no one. If only Frank had met him before that horrible week ever happened.

\--xx--

Gerard stared out of the bar-covered window as the rain splattered against the glass. He had been right, it was raining now and the outside had turned gray and gloomy from the dark clouds in the sky, matching his mood. He had for years suffered from depression, it had lead to bad decisions, bad habits, bad people and drinking. He had at one point thought he put that all behind him, but then shit happened and he found himself right back in that bar and in the clutches of those awful men. It used to be bad, but never this bad, he had never been locked up for it. He had never been forced to take medication for it. They told him it wouldn't be forever, he could get better and put this all behind him. Yeah, he could in their little fantastic theories. But he knew better, he'd never be the same, he'd never be better. The worst of it was what lead him to that bar, his boyfriend Jordan, they usually argued a lot, but on this particular occasion it had gotten really bad and Jordan walked out, no explanation or anything and Gerard panicked. It all seemed so stupid and small looking back on it after everything that had happened to him in the past few months.

After he was found, Jordan played the concerned boyfriend, but then after the little wrist slashing incident, Jordan didn't come around anymore. Gerard is pretty sure he got tired of his bullshit and gave up on him, threw him away like everyone else had. He was pretty sure they were no longer dating. Gerard knew they weren't, but the bastard had never had the decency to officially break up with him to his face. But then, Gerard's not sure if he could have handled it with the state he was in. So maybe that was for the best. Gerard had always seemed not worth it to anyone anyhow, not with all his issues and baggage. He was just too stressful. No one wanted the responsibility of dealing with him. It was for the better. Hell, if Bill, Cameron and Jeremiah had killed him, it would have been doing him a favor.

More rain streaked down the window. The soggy day was just making him feel worse. The medication he was on ensured he could still feel like shit, it didn't numb him. He had never wanted antidepressants to numb him like the alcohol was supposed to and never really had. But now he was starting to seriously second guess that, now the thoughts of being numb sounded so good.

Gerard was startled from his thoughts by a voice, jumping a little when he saw Frank. "Hey, I said I brought your meds. I got you a juice. You liked the apple, right? Personally I prefer the grape, but they were out today. Jeez, that weather is getting bad, I hope it doesn't become a full blown storm, I'd hate to drive home in that shit."

Gerard let him ramble on and looked down forlornly at his pills in the little white paper cup Frank had handed him, tossing them back and swallowing them with a gulp of the juice. The apple wasn't bad, neither was the grape, he had had worse.

"You know, I bet I could ask and get them to let me take you outside sometime on a nicer day. You seem like you need some fresh air." Frank gave a small hopeful smile.

Gerard shrugged, but he wouldn't admit that he'd actually like that. He missed nature, he missed seeing the birds. He wasn't sure why Frank had an interest in him though. Frank had seemed to become his personal orderly here, but at least he was nice. Much better than Lenny, that guy was an asshole and would look at Gerard like he was some kind of fungus or something. The guy creeped him out too, always leering at other patients. Bad mouthing them. They were all psychos to that guy, no matter what they were here for or how bad off they were or weren't. Plus he had been in more than a few broom closets and shit with more than one nurse and a couple of orderlies. But not Frank, no, Lenny looked at Frank like a disease and Frank looked at him like horse shit.

"Yeah, okay, I'll check into it. You know it's almost time for lunch, I think they're serving pizza, but don't take my word on it." Frank grinned and Gerard felt something tug at his chest that made him nauseous, anxious.

Gerard fidgeted and looked down at his right hand, rubbing his wrist because it still ached and he needed a distraction. He mumbled something that Frank wouldn't make out because it was gibberish.

"What, man? I can't hear you when you do that. I wish you'd talk to me. Is your wrist hurting again? I'll get you some pain cream or an ace bandage. Be right back." Frank then left him.

Gerard gazed back out the window and felt an all too familiar ache in his chest. Frank wasn't a bad looking guy, no. He was actually very nice to look at, lovely eyes and dark hair with a inviting mouth. He had this boyish bad boy look to him that Gerard found intriguing, and Frank wouldn't take any shit, or let anyone give his patients shit, but yet Frank could be so sweet to him. He was somewhat shorter than Gerard was, but not by a whole lot, it's not like Gerard was very large. Frank was also covered in tattoos, lots of beautiful artwork adorning his toned body. Gerard wouldn't admit that he'd like to see all of them instead of just the ones on his arms, or the bit on his stomach Gerard had seen when Frank had lifted his shirt for a second to wipe his face off during work with it. There definitely had to be more. Gerard didn't have tattoos or piercings because of the whole fear of needles thing, but he still loved art, in any form, and tattoos could be amazing and gorgeous. He wanted to ask Frank about them, learn their stories and origins, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. What would it matter anyhow, Frank was just being nice to him because it was his job, it's not like he a actually liked him or anything.

"All they had was that pepto-mint smelling cream." Frank wasn't even surprised by Gerard's flinching anymore, he was probably used to it. He handed the cream out to him. "Here, do you want to put it on, or is it okay if I do it?"

Gerard nodded and held out his sore wrist, waiting as Frank popped the lid and poured some out onto his fingers, even they were tattooed with letters that spelled out 'Halloween' on each finger, and 'bookworm' if he held them together right. He felt Frank gently take hold of his hand and rub the pain cream on with the other hand. He watched him carefully, but not because he feared Frank hurting him. He didn't fear Frank hurting him, or mind him touching because he was afraid he'd be like those men, no. But the touch did something to him, something that did make him scared and nervous because he simply didn't want to feel it. He didn't want to get hurt, and he knew Frank could do a hell of a lot better than him. Frank was holding his wrist with both hands now, using both thumbs to massage the top, right where that bone had broke. And oh, it hurt, but so good.

"There you go. That should help." Frank turned to walk away when-

"Thank you." It was said so quiet and small. It wasn't the first time Gerard had said anything to him or thanked him, but it's not like he did either very often, so Frank enjoyed what little he got to hear of Gerard's voice, which was very pretty.

Frank smiled. "You're welcome, Gee. I'll check on you in a bit, okay?" And Frank walked away, smiling.


	2. Patients

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard misses being creative and Frank plans to encourage that, also, it's visitor day and Mikey comes to see his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heed the story warnings please.

Gerard stared down at the blank sheet of paper and the colorful array of crayons in front of him on one of the rec room tables. Oh, how he wanted to pick one up, move it across that smooth untouched white, draw again like he used to even if it was just for fun. He missed it, missed being creative and designing worlds from his imagination. But after he was kidnapped- seemed stupid to even call it that, he wasn't a kid, but adult-napped sounded even more stupid- after he was held hostage, rather, he just didn't have it in him anymore. He wanted to do it again, wanted to create, but there was nothing there. It was such an odd feeling. It's not like his mind had shut off, quite the opposite, he _couldn't_ shut it off. But what he saw in his head anymore was much darker than before. Before any of the dark shit was just out of the sci-fi or horror genre, it wasn't supposed to be real. But he had now lived actual horror, and now it was all too real.  


He could create a superhero to fight bad guys in a comic. He used to dream of superheroes seeking vengeance. But he wasn't the superhero, and he hated that he had become a damsel in distress. At least they had been looking for him, and found him. Got him out of that hell. He wasn't thrilled about this place, but it was the lesser of the two hells. They probably wouldn't have found him though if not for his brother Mikey's persistence and his parents. He had heard that they refused to give up until he was found. He doubts Jordan had any hand in it. Whatever, it didn't matter anymore.  


He's so ashamed to admit that he had dreamed of a hero saving him when he was being raped or laying for hours, starving and freezing in that dark room. At least it was the police, because he had no hero, no white-knight. He wasn't sure he could even create one.

He had stared at the sheet of paper so long he began to see patterns, his eyes playing tricks on him. It was mocking him. Or the exhaustion was just getting to him. Probably that. He always knew he needed glasses, seeing far away was kinda hard, up close was fine. But in here he guessed it was kind of a blessing to not see around him clearly, but rather than like looking at it behind a blurry film. There wasn't much to look at here.. maybe other than Frank. Frank wasn't around right now though, he was busy with other patients.  


Gerard sighed and picked up a black crayon and started moving it across the paper, trying to make an outline. He wasn't happy with it, but continued to scribble and doodle for awhile before getting frustrated on a particular line and making the rash decision to scribble most of the picture out, squeezing the crayon so tightly between his fingers it almost completely snapped before throwing it across the table and glaring at it in irritation. He huffed and ran his hands through his messy hair, twisting his fingers in the dark locks and tugging a bit to feel just a bit of pain, not too much and not unbearable, just as an expression of his agitation.  


Frank had been watching him from afar, Gerard had sat on the couch, muttering to himself. He didn't think Gerard was even aware he was doing it. It wasn't like some of the other patients who muttered and were kind of off their rockers anyway. Gerard wasn't crazy, he was just trying to process the shit in his head, probably shit he couldn't express yet.

"They're coming. They're coming, man." The voice brought Frank's attention back to Turner Jones, also known as Ribbit, a psych patient who believed he had been abducted by aliens or some shit. It was more of a psychological cover for what had really happened to him, he had been kept bound to a chair, was psychically and mentally tortured and force fed hallucinogenics by some pissed off drug dealers. He was fine now physically, but somewhere he had snapped mentally and wasn't too sure of reality anymore. It was okay, he wasn't a danger at all, just lost in his own world, like his brain protecting him from what happened in reality.  


Frank turned from watching Gerard to the man they called Ribbit, for whatever reason, that was a whole different story involving a frog. Not that he was licking toads, but that he had swallowed one and allegedly people could see it bouncing around in his stomach. Frank thought that was bullshit and that he could have been indeed abducted by aliens was more probable. The man was fidgety, biting on his nails as he stared at Frank with blue eyes blown wide. He was a strange little man that just screamed stoner and talked like a California surfer cliche who liked to wear the pajama-like clothes they issued big and too baggy on his scrawny frame. His were also blue, while Gerard's were white. Ribbit also wore a blue and white striped beanie on his head, covering his blond hair.   
  
Frank sighed. "I don't know, dude, but I don't think they're coming today at least."  


"Why? What do you know? You know about them, don't you? You're in on it." Ribbit had grabbed a confused Frank by his shoulders and shook him a little. "You can't steal my brain!"

"Whoa, Rib, buddy, no. I'm not one of them. No one is going to steal your brain. I promise it's safe here. That's all I meant, okay. Okay?" Frank reached up to take hold of Ribbit's hands and lower them from his shoulders without an altercation that would leave the poor man drugged some more if he got too hard to handle. "Just breathe, okay? Breathe, it's fine." Frank instructed, breathing with Ribbit to calm him down.

He did, however, catch Gerard out of the corner of his eye and see him scribbling furiously on a sheet of paper with a crayon before throwing it down. Frank thought maybe he'd end up drugged, but no one bothered him and Gerard was left alone to tug his hair, eyes squeezed shut tight, lips pulled back in a grimace and adorable tiny crooked teeth clinched together. More muttering followed.

Later while Gerard was gone to group, Frank picked up the drawing Gerard had left behind. There was a little outline of what looked like Wolverine and another that looked like a robot. The doodles really weren't that bad. Frank picked up a green crayon- it was the first one within reach- and wrote something on the paper.

\--xx--

Gerard hated group, hated hearing the others drone on about their problems, some were pretty bad and the person genuinely seemed to want to get better and were trying and it made him sad to hear. He felt bad for them. But then other jackasses were rude and made fun of them and tried to belittle their problems. The doctor tried to keep them from it, but in a way it was also like it helped them work through their own frustrations. Gerard didn't like to talk and they had stopped trying to make him for now. They said he'd open up when he was ready. Well, he didn't want to open up. He didn't want to talk about his problems in front of others anymore. He had did that enough, in front of doctors, therapists, and a whole courtroom. They knew the story. There wasn't much else to say. Besides he didn't want the ruder patients mocking him, and compared to some of the others they did mock, their shit was much worse than his, he thought.  


\--xx--

It was night again, he was in his room, soon he'd be locked in and put back in the dark. But then a sheet of paper slid under his door. Curiously he picked it up. It was his bad scribbles he had done earlier in the rec room, but now on it was a note.

_'Please try harder. XoFrank.'_   


If it'd been from anyone else, Gerard would have considered crumbling it up and throwing it against the wall. But there was something about Frank that amused him. Maybe it was his persistence not to give up when Gerard told him to go away at first, or would ignore him. Gerard wasn't trying to be mean, he had just rather be by himself and not risk getting hurt by someone pretending to be his friend. He couldn't figure out if Frank was genuine or not, but he didn't seem like he wanted to purposely hurt or tease him.  


\--xx--

It was visitor day, Frank enjoyed watching some of the patients with their loved ones. Some not so much, like this Ken Doll looking dude whose redheaded girlfriend was currently straddling his lap as he sat in a chair, while they made out obscenely. No one seemed to want to stop them, but instead decided to stay back and watch like perverts while the girl ground against her boyfriend's lap. It was lewd, and secretly made Frank jealous. He didn't have some pretty little thing to grind in his lap and hadn't for awhile.  


"Good lord, look at the tits on her. And that ass. Fuck what I'd give for-" Lenny drooled on as Frank tuned him out. Lenny would fuck anything. Frank's pretty sure he'd fuck Ken Doll.

The dude's name was Roman Wexler and he was here under winning an insanity plea for robbing a gas station in which he shot and wounded- but not killed- the cashier. Frank didn't like dealing with him and didn't trust him, he was sort of an asshole, and one of those that thought his shit didn't stink. Frank's not sure he'd be lucky enough to get a mere few months in a cushy mental institution for robbing and shooting a man, not with his luck. Frank figured the dude must have had a damn good lawyer. He couldn't be too awful dangerous though, this wasn't a place for hardcore criminals. No one here that was considered any sort of threat was let roam free in this particular area.  


Frank turned his attention to Gerard, who was being visited by his younger brother. They didn't even look like brothers, and Mikey didn't look or act like the younger brother on first impression. He was taller and kind of lanky, had much lighter hair and wore glasses. He wasn't a bad looking guy, not at all, but Frank preferred Gerard.

Their conversation was pretty mundane compared to Ken Doll and the redhead. Just how everyone was doing- Mikey was okay, Gerard said he was fine- was Mom and Dad okay- yeah- when were they going to visit- next week maybe- was Mikey still dating that girl- no, it didn't work out- that was a shame, Mikey deserved happiness.  


"You do too, you know. You can get out of here, Gee, I know you can, you're stronger than this." Mikey laid his hand on top of Gerard's as it lay on the table. When Mikey touched him, he never flinched. Mikey would never hurt him and Gerard knew that. Frank decided he liked Mikey.  


Gerard looked up, and for a second looked like he was about to comment on what Mikey had told him. But instead shook his head and looked back down at their hands. "Mom still talking to that woman? Tracie?"

"Not lately." Mikey sighed, as if knowing where his brother's train of thought was going.

"Tell her not to. She always mentions you-know-who. It's never good."

"You mean Joan?" Mikey said matter-of-factly.

Gerard looked up sharply. "I've told you not to even say her name. It's bad luck, every time that woman is mentioned, bad shit happens."

Mikey leaned back in his chair. "She's not a witch, Gerard. Just a really strange woman. Not all strange women are witches, that kind of thinking lead to the witch trials. We don't want them being brought back."

Gerard shook his head. "No, I don't either. But those women were not real witches, and if they were, they weren't hurting anybody. You can be a witch and not hurt anyone. Most witches heal and help. She's not a good witch, she's evil, Mikey, why don't you believe me? Since Mom started with her, bad shit started happening."  


"Do you blame her for this?" Mikey gestured toward Gerard, meaning being here, being held hostage, without saying it.

Gerard shook his head again and pouted. "No. That was my fault. I-" He trailed off and put his head in his hands.  


"Oh, Gerard, how could you think that? You didn't deserve what happened to you. No one does. Those.." Mikey paused to grit his teeth. "Those men are responsible, not you. You put them away. They can't hurt you, or anyone else anymore."

"I still ended up back here. I still-" Gerard looked down at his wrist, at the scar.

"Yeah, you made a mistake and it was bad, but you're getting better. They don't think you're a threat to yourself or others, they don't strap you down or take sharp things from you anymore. You've not done it again, have you?"

Gerard shook his head. "No. I didn't want to die, Mikey. I promise. I just-"

"You had a break down, no one can blame you. But you've been here too long, you need to let go, start working toward getting out."

Gerard didn't respond to that. Instead: "Promise me you'll tell Mom not to talk to that woman."

The younger Way brother sighed. "Dammit, Gee, you keep talking about witches, they'll keep your ass in here." Mikey gave a wry smile, teasing his brother in good-nature.  


"My belief in witchcraft or the paranormal has nothing to do with why I'm in here. I'm ashamed of you, Michael." Gerard folded his arms and pretended to glare. "Especially since it doesn't hurt anyone, it's not like I want to hunt witches and burn them at the stake. I don't. I just wish them to leave my family alone."  


"Yeah yeah, and I can so see you as a witch hunter." Mikey snickered. "I remember how scared you got when you tried to use that Ouija board because you thought your room was haunted."

"My room was haunted. It was the basement, basements are always haunted. I thought you knew that." He waved him off in a prissy way that made Mikey laugh and Frank smile. It felt good to see him talking and teasing since he usually wouldn't utter two words a day. "Hey, Mikey, next time you come, could you bring my sketchbook?"

Frank watched as the younger brother's eyes lit up. "You gonna try to draw again? That's great, I mean, it could help."

"They think it could be good for me. I think it could be good for me." Gerard didn't say anything about Frank's note, but that was okay, Frank had gotten through. It was a mini victory.  


"Me too, Gee, me too."

\--xx--

Another visitor day passed, thankfully without complication. Frank was distributing the night meds, finding Gerard asleep on the couch when he got to the rec room. Poor guy must have tired himself out. He knows he wasn't getting much sleep, it's not like Frank couldn't see why. Frank sighed, putting a small blanket over him and lightly petting his hair. He'd let him snooze a bit and then wake him to give him his meds.  


Frank turned and started making his way down the hall when he nearly bumped into a sneering Lenny. "Hey, watch out, man."

"You better watch out, Iero. Don't think I don't see the way you look at that little freak. I don't know what you even see in that psychopath."

Frank choked back a growl. "He's not a freak, okay. And he's not a psychopath. You leave him and me alone." With that he stalked away from the insufferable bastard.  


"And just what if I don't?" Lenny said to himself, more of a rhetorical statement than a question. He didn't get that midget, being nice to the mental cases. They were all just psychos.

\--xx--

_Gerard was floating, and warm, so warm and wet. He was in a bathtub, laying back with his eyes closed. He was comfortable and relaxed and he had not a care in the world. But then he felt fingers lightly caress up his chest and back down his stomach. Who was touching him? He opened his eyes and tried to scream, but a hand covered his mouth. Cameron stared back down at him with a sadistic grin.  
_

_"Awe, looky who's awake." He groped between his legs and Gerard tried to close them, but that didn't stop him from fondling him. He laughed when Gerard whimpered and squeeze him hard to make him wince. "You filthy cunt, gotta get you all clean."_

_Gerard then found himself being lifted up and manhandled to all fours in the tub. Cameron's fingers ghosted between his cheeks before two fingers we're being shoved roughly inside him. He cried out at the pain of not being lubed, feeling the burn run up his spine. "No.. no.. please.. no more.." He began to sob and felt ashamed of his weakness._   


_Cameron started wiggling his fingers apart before fucking them in and out of him harshly._

\--xx--

Frank was checking Ribbit's room for aliens like he did every night. "There you go, no aliens. Now take your medication."  


Ribbit nodded and took his pills. "Thanks, dude. Don't know what I'd do without you."  


"It's no problem, man." Frank was about to leave when he heard a panicked scream. Gerard's scream. He raced out of the room and headed for the rec room.

Gerard was on his back, struggling with someone who held him down. "No! No! Stop! Let me go! Nooo.." He whined, kicking and scratching at the man who held him.

Frank's heart sank when he saw it was Lenny. "Hold still, dammit. Here." He held his hand out to a nurse, she handed him a prepped needle.

The poor thing's eyes got as huge as Ribbit's flying saucers. "No, no, wait.. please.. I'll stop.." He squirmed some more, trying to get out of his grasp.  


Frank had finally got his feet to move to go over and stop it, but by time he got there, it was too late, Lenny had stabbed him with the needle, resulting in the most pitiful sound he had ever heard any creature make. Gerard's eyes immediately were too heavy and he felt himself blacking out. He didn't want to sleep, he didn't want to be stabbed with a fucking needle.

Frank yanked Lenny back. "What the fuck, man?! What is your problem?"

"What is my problem? He woke up throwing a fucking fit and when I came over to try and calm him down, he started attacking me. He wouldn't calm down, so I had no choice." Lenny said calmly.  


Frank seethed. "Yeah, I bet you didn't." He shoved Lenny away and bent down to pick up the sleeping man off the couch.  


"You should watch it, Iero. I can make sure you lose this damn job." Lenny spat.

"I can also make sure you lose yours too." Frank glared and carried Gerard on to his room to put him in bed.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lenny is an asshole, he's not going to get much better. Ribbit is one of my favorite OCs, he's harmless. Gerard talking about witches and the paranormal is just him basically deterring from the current moment. And no, not all witches would be bad, but there are some evil people in this world who aren't witches. The OCs are also not named or based off anyone in particular.


	3. Chemical Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard has a reaction to what Lenny dosed him with and Frank stays with him.

Frank sat with him all night, sleeping in a uncomfortable chair by his bed. He wasn't sure why this was important, or why it mattered, it's not like Gerard hadn't been knocked out before.. but he had been knocked out this time after waking up from some obviously very bad dreams. He hadn't been throwing fits, he woke up from a nightmare, obviously dreaming about what those monsters did to him, and then there was Lenny holding him down, of course he fucking freaked out, it was only natural. What's worse is Gerard had woken from some bad dreams only to get knocked right back out into them. Lenny was an asshole, and Frank was tired of it.

A few times Gerard had woken Frank up whimpering and muttering in his sleep, but nothing too alarming, and for the most part Gerard stayed asleep. Now though he started to stir, eyelids fluttering before opening. Hazel eyes stared around blearily. They landed on the man sleeping in the chair by his bed and he flinched at first until his brain registered that it was just Frank and he had no need to be alarmed.

"Huhn.. Frankie..? Frank..?" He wet his dry lips.

The younger man stirred a bit before jumping up alert. "Yeah.. yeah, Gee, I'm here. How'd you sleep?"

"Have you been there all night?"

"Pretty much." Frank yawned.

"Why?" Because really he couldn't fathom why anyone would want to sit at his bedside for any reason- well, other than his parents or Mikey when he had been sick in the past or something like that, but that was entirely different. Not even Jordan wanted anything to do with him when he was messed up or sick.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Gerard was still groggy and smacked his lips, eyes fluttering shut. "Was there any Hypnocil in that needle last night, Frankie..? I don't think I dreamed." Which was probably good, but..

"Um, no.. I don't think so. Least if there was it'd keep Freddy Krueger away, huh." He knows Gerard had to have dreamed, but it was probably good if he didn't remember. Heh, maybe Lenny dosed him with Imobatine since they were referencing fictional medications from Freddy vs. Jason.

"I'd rather deal with Freddy than.. you know.." Gerard sighed. "I don't feel good."

"Yeah?" Frank gently laid a hand on his forehead to check and see if he felt hot, which he did. His breathing was shallow and his focus seemed shaky. "You're a little warm. I'm gonna go get some-"

"No!" Gerard jolted up a little too quickly to grab Frank's arm, which was a mistake because he ended up losing what little was in his stomach.. all over the orderly who had been so nice to sit all night with him. "Fu'h.. I'm so sorry.. fuck.." His head spun and he felt another violent tug at his stomach and he was retching again while Frank pulled his small trashcan over to the side of the bed so he could lean over and finish throwing up.

"Don't worry about it, man. C'mon, don't fight it, hurts more if you fight puke, I know." Yeah, so okay, it was very gross, but all it did was get on his scrubs and it's not like he hadn't been puked on before. He had once worked in a children's ward. He had seen and dealt with some of the grossest of the gross.

Gerard felt Frank rubbing his back in gentle circles, soothing him. He got him cleaned off and tied up the bag in the trashcan, taking it with him. Gerard groaned and laid back on the bed. He had thrown up on Frank, that was just great. He probably thought he was disgusting now.

Frank tossed the bag, running into another orderly by the name of Ray Toro on the way. Ray was tall, broad and had a sweet ass 'fro that could have its own fan club. He could probably kick Lenny's ass if he had too, but he was such a lovable nerd and Teddy bear, that that most likely wouldn't happen.. maybe unless Lenny showed he was really dangerous or some shit. Lenny was a dangerous, Frank just had to prove it.

"Whoa, what happened to you?"

"I think Gerard had a reaction to whatever Lenny poked him with last night. He threw up on me. Can you peek in on him and watch him while I change?"

Ray nodded. "Sure thing, man."

Because of situations like this, Frank always brought extra clothes and scrubs to work with him. He got his bag out of his locker and stepped right in the shower with his soiled scrubs on to rinse off the vomit before peeling them off, which was a task because wet clothes never want to come off easily. He dried off quickly because it was cold and he didn't need to get sick and miss work for various reasons. He redressed in some fresh scrubs before heading back out to check on Gerard, he still had some free time before his regular shift started.

Upon getting back to the room, he noticed Gerard was practically curled up in his covers in a ball, shivering. Ray held up an electronic thermometer. "Okay, Gerard, I'm just gonna check your temperature. You know how it works, it slides across your forehead." He swiped the device across his forehead and looked at it when it beeped. "It's a little high, not critical, but we'll keep an eye on it."

Gerard felt foggy, like he was under water, Ray even sounded so distant. Frank was back and got him more blankets, thankfully, he was freezing. He felt weird, like he'd drank a whole lot of sugary cough syrup, floaty and tingly in an uncomfortable way. Ray left the room and Frank had a little light that he was using to look in his eyes, he guessed Frank asked him to follow it with his eyes, so he tried to do so, he assumed he had did so correctly because Frank put the light back into his pocket.

"I think you're just having a reaction to the medicine." Frank said. Well, duh. "Fucking asshole Lenny."

Gerard tried to get up and almost fell out of bed had it not been for Frank catching him. He was dizzy and the room spun. He blinked hard and took a deep breath, releasing it.

"Hey, whoa.. take it easy.." Frank said, steadying him.

His mouth felt like cotton. "I hafta go t' the baffum.."

"Huh?" Frank looked at him confused, apparently that didn't come out right. Then Frank realized what he was trying to say. "Oh. You need to use the bathroom? Okay. Just steady now."

Frank helped him to the small bathroom in his room and stood outside the door just in case he fell flat of his face or something. He was glad Frank didn't come in to assist him, that would have been mortifying, but it was quite the task when the room refused to stay still. He got done without passing out and brushed his teeth real quick in the tiny little sink so he wouldn't have to taste vomit all day. He let Frank lead him back to bed. Then Ray was back with one of those damn blood pressure cuffs.

"Okay, I'm just going to check your blood pressure." He said as he adjusted the cuff on his arm after he sat back down on the bed.

He hated these things, squeezing the fat of his arm and hurting him. But right now he was too tired to care. He also hated that he flinched whenever someone tried to touch him in a professional manner. He hated it, he knew that not all men were rapists and the doctors and nurses and orderlies were just doing their jobs, but he still flinched and it was frustrating. It made him feel even more ashamed of what had happened.

"It's a little high, but I wouldn't worry about it. We can keep a check on it. I think you should see the doctor about this, maybe get something to counteract whatever Lenny gave you." Ray suggested before leaving.

Gerard nodded, but did not agree. He ended up seeing the doctor anyway as Frank dragged the poor little balding man into his room. The doctor didn't touch him to his relief and was very quick and barely thorough. But at least he was the prescribed something to help with the nausea and dizziness.. that was thankfully in pill form.

Frank left him to rest while he did some of his other duties. They didn't want Gerard getting up just yet, so he was bed fast. He didn't like that, nothing to do but lay in bed and stare at the white walls and ceiling. He was so tired of all the white. White walls, white ceiling, white room. Frank would come in to check on him every little bit and get him some water, and to give him his usual meds, and then a little tray from the cafeteria for lunch, and later dinner. It was just good that the room managed to stop spinning and his nausea went away. He still felt like shit though, and he was still bored.

\--xx--

Gerard was restless, tossing and turning on the uncomfortable, hard mattress. He wanted to sleep, he didn't want to dream. He was hot one minute, cold the next, and his skin felt like it was crawling. He sighed and gave up trying to sleep and went over to his small dresser drawers- they were like the preschool kind that were made of red, green and blue plastic and were the only colorful thing in the room. He kept his comics in here with his socks and underwear and rummaged through them until he found the one he wanted.

Frank came back as soon as he was settled back in bed, propped up against the wall at the head of the bed with his pillow behind his back. "Aha, contraband." Frank giggled when Gerard glared at him. "I'm just joking. I know you have them." They knew he had them, there was no rule against them, besides, having something Gerard loved could do him some good. Frank plopped down in the chair. "Nightmare Bureau. What's that about?"

"It's about a comic writer named Jeremy, who the Bogeyman, Cassidy, becomes fascinated with and wants him to tell her story, so he writes a comic called the Nightmare Bureau about a comic writer named Garry, meeting the Bogeyman and writing a comic telling her story, cuz the author Tara Ryan likes paradoxes." Gerard gave a twitch of a smile.

Frank held his head. "That all seems very confusing."

Gerard shook his head. "Not really. The comic the writer, Garry, writes in the story is never mentioned in detail, we assume it's about the Bogeyman's adventures like it is in the main story. The Nightmare Bureau is made up of different nightmare fiends, the Bogeyman, the Tooth Fairy, and the Grim Reaper, and how they help keep the balance on earth and in the nightmare realm."

"The Tooth Fairy? How is she a nightmare fiend? Well, I mean, I know the concept of some chick breaking into your room to get your teeth can be scary, but.. she leaves money, so.."

"He is not the Tooth Fairy that parents tell their children about. He doesn't come after kid's teeth. It's merely a nickname because he was known to visit bad men in their sleep in prison and yank their teeth out. He didn't leave quarters or shit. They basically punish bad souls as is their job in Hell. And the Reaper doesn't just kill people, he isn't Death, he's under Death in rank and above the reapers, he is more an angel of life and death, keeping those from going before their time and averting tragedies." Gerard explained.

"So what about the Bogeyman? What's her story?" Frank asked, humoring him. He sat cross-legged and rested his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands.

"She was human once and in love, and her lover got killed and she sold her soul to the Devil to bring him back, but when he came back, he told her he didn't love her and had been having an affair, so she killed him and his lover before taking her own life, so as punishment, the Devil made her take on the role of a nightmare. She would be the Bogeyman and give bad people nightmares. She would overtime become responsible for most of the monster legends and campfire tales, she was the one to give people horror stories and horror movie ideas over the years."

"So, it really didn't seem like punishment."

"Well, at first it was, she was to terrorize kids, but she refused to hurt them. She would visit the mean children and make them afraid of the monsters in their closets and under their beds.. but they were really safe because there was no actual monster other than her. Her job was to be feared and be Fear herself. It's her job, and she grew to love her job when she saw people start to enjoy being scared."  
  
"So, I bet she was responsible for Freddy Krueger, huh?" Frank mused.  
  
"She was totally responsible for Freddy Krueger."

"I can't get over that the Bogeyman is a chick. Not saying that's not awesome, cuz it totally is."

"Cassidy Rynes is badass."

"I don't doubt that." Frank smiled, he was actually getting Gerard to talk about and engage in something. Why hadn't he thought to use comics before? Gerard seemed to light up when talking about them, and it kept his mind focused on them instead of something bad. This was progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel some of this chapter was rushed. I kindly wanted Frank to take care of Gerard. Okay, I don't know much about comics. So I created one. The Nightmare Bureau was an idea I had for a story exactly as Gerard describes it.. but I confused myself with it, so I never got far. I just used the idea for a conversation piece. Frank's getting him to talk. Also, Cassidy Rynes was a vampire in another story, but I let her be the Bogeyman here. Tara Ryan is a another name I use for my own Mary Sue Taryn Jacobs in personal stories. The name came from Gerard's Hesitant Alien first track The Bureau, but most of the fiends are inspired by the show Supernatural. Hypnosil and Imobatine are fiction medications from horror movies A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors and Freddy vs. Jason.


	4. Ups and Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lenny tries to start trouble and Gerard has a breakdown after some nasty flashbacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heed the warnings, there's flashbacks to graphic rape in this one, they're in the italics in case anyone wants to skip these. Also, thank you for the comments and kudos, I appreciate it.

The next day, Frank was walking by the main office door when he heard Lenny's voice.

"That Gerard Way is dangerous, I tell you. He attacked me the other day, freaked out on me and scratched me up when I was just trying to help his crazy ass."  


Joe Russell sighed. He was a chunky dude with coarse wiry brown hair and a goatee to match. He was the guy who basically ran the whole place. "I see your concerns, Mister Aggler, but Mister Way hasn't shown any signs of being a danger to himself or others. He's been doing quite well and we don't see him as a threat."  


"You don't see this as a threat?" Lenny showed him a pretty long red line up his arm.

Frank stepped in at that moment, biting back a growl. "You piece of shit, you did that to yourself. He didn't scratch you that hard. He has nightmares, he had fell asleep on the couch in the rec and had a nightmare, he woke up screaming. I came in to see you holding him down, of course he freaked out on you, he's a rape victim. How stupid are you?"  


"You're just mad because you have a little thing for the psycho."

"He's not the psycho, Lenny. You were the one who stabbed him with a needle for scratching you. He's terrified of them, by the way, but you probably knew that. And then he had a reaction to whatever that shit was you gave him in that needle." Frank looked at Joe. "I don't want this asshole anywhere near Gerard. I don't trust him, he doesn't know how to handle him."  


Lenny scoffed and folded his arms. "And I bet you do, huh, Iero?"

"Yes, I do!"

"Yet you're the one who let him fall asleep on the couch."

Frank sighed. Yes, he had. But Gerard had been exhausted and he was doing so good with Mikey there and he didn't think it would hurt to let him nap for a minute or two. "I did. But you handled that wrong. You made a mistake and instead of being in here, whining to the boss, you need to own up and do your job and stop wasting his time."

"I couldn't agree more." Joe said. "Look, Lenny, it was probably just a mistake, I doubt seriously he meant to hurt you, you just startled him, just be more careful next time, or just stay away from Gerard Way. We'll keep an eye on things, trust me. Now I have a meeting to get to, you both need to get back to work." And he was shooing them out.

Frank had a self-satisfied grin on his face as he left. "Guess he told you."

"This isn't over, Iero." And Lenny stalked off.

No, it wasn't over, because Frank was going to make sure Lenny got fired somehow.

\--xx--

_He hurt, he hurt all over. His hips we're bruised from their fingers grabbing them and squeezing and pinching him. His jaw ached from where they hit him and slapped him. His head pounded from where they kept pulling his hair. His knees hurt from being forced to be down on them on the cold hard floor so long. And of course, his backside hurt. They didn't want to damage him so quick, they wanted to "have lots of fun" with him they said. So they used lube at first, they held him down and spread him apart and used their fingers to prep him real good before..  
_

_His chest tightened, they still had him, holding him down on that mattress on his stomach. One holding his arms down and the other shoving their fingers in and out of him._

_"Yeah, baby.. get that pretty little hole ready for my big dick.. you're gonna like that, baby, bet you never had a real man inside you before. Bet you never had one big as mine. Gonna stretch you all out. You're not gonna be running nowhere, cuz you ain't gonna walk for days." The leader said, wiggling his fingers around inside him, rubbing against his sensitive inner walls. He brushed his prostate and Gerard whimpered._

_"No.."_

_"Oh, yes, baby.. that little ass is so hungry for my cock." Bill was fucking fingers in and out of him fast now, working him open with the slippery lube._

_Gerard was a mess of pleas and babbled whimpers. He didn't want this. He was sure he was crying and that just made them laugh._

_"Awe, baby, it'll be over soon." More laughter. Then the fingers were gone and his heart raced as he heard Bill unbuckling his belt, and the familiar sound of a zipper coming down. Gerard felt him grab his hips, yanking him up to his knees. "Yeah, baby, nice and open for me." He felt Bill's thick cock slide between his asscheeks and shuddered violently. Bill was rubbing the head of his cock over his hole before pushing inside.  
_

_He took his time and Gerard screamed and cried out, trembling, feeling every inch stretch him further. He wasn't lying, he was big and it hurt. Jordan wasn't this big, none of his other lovers were this big. How cruel was it that fate decided this bastard got to have a big cock to rape with? That just seemed so unfair._

_"That's it, baby, I bet you feel so full now, huh?" Bill groaned, snickering a little. "You're so damn tight on my big cock. Such a good little hole.. fuck yeah.." And he was grabbing to Gerard's bruised hips and thrusting hard and relentless, brutally fucking him as he cried and begged him to stop. "No, baby, I ain't stopping till I'm done. You'll be a nice little whore and take it."_

_"You like it, you were just asking for it dressed like that in that bar. If you didn't want some guy taking you home and fucking your brains out, you wouldn't have been there." Cameron taunted as he held him down. Jeremiah was over by the wall jerking himself off as he watched._

_"No, I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry.. please.. it hurts.." And it did, his cock stabbing his guts with every thrust._

_"Almost done, baby.. ah, yeah.. such a good little slut.. you like my big fat cock tearing your ass up.. say it, baby, and it'll be all over.."_

_"No.. no.."_

_"Yes, come on, say it, or I'll have to punish you."_

_"Please.. stop.." A hard slap to his ass made him yelp._

_"Say it! I won't tell you again." Another hard slap._

_"Guhn.. fuck.. I like your big fat cock tear..tearing my ass up.." He repeated it, clinging to it as hope this would stop. And it did, he felt Bill's hips still flush against his ass and his hot sticky cum inside him as he came with disgusting grunts and groans. Gerard felt used and gross.  
_

_"Good boy. Cameron, it's your turn." Bill said, pulling out, and he was off of him._

_Cameron let him go and moved to get behind him, pulling him back by his hips and wasting no time in burying his face in his ass, sloppily licking up all his leader's cum that dripped out of him and not caring about the lube. He felt his tongue press inside his opening and the spit burned his abused hole. Cameron reached between his legs to grab his cock as it dangled uselessly, pulling it back between his legs to rub the head and stroke him while he lapped at his entrance. Gerard whimpered, fingers digging into the mattress. Cameron was rubbing circles around his cockhead with the pad of his thumb, teasing the slit and he couldn't help or stop it, he was cumming, crying and ashamed. He thinks he thankfully passed out before Cameron fucked him._   


\--xx--

It was very chilly today. Spring was coming, the flowers had already begun to sprout, the trees had blooms on them already, the birds were singing and chirping, anxiously waiting for warmer weather. Frank looked up, feeling the sting of the cold on his face. His fingers were so cold, they were numb.  


He brought the cigarette up to his lips to take another slow satisfying drag. He had to step out for a second. Lenny already had his hackles raised and it was only the start of the day. Frank watched as a little bird hopped along, pecking at the ground for a worm. It was supposed to be warmer tomorrow, he'd see if he could take Gerard out.

Frank huddled down inside his bulky jacket. Today, the wind was freezing, chilling his eyeballs. He wet his chapped lips and took a final drag of his cigarette before crushing it out on the concrete table. He tossed it in a trash bin as he headed back to work. He had to dispense the afternoon meds for those that took them, like Ribbit, who was busy twirling in circles, head thrown back and arms out at his sides. He wasn't spinning fast, but Frank was still afraid he'd get dizzy and trip himself.  


"Hey, Rib, buddy, whoa.. slow it down, you're gonna fall." He grabbed him by the arm and guided him over to the couch to sit down and rest.

"The room's all spinny, boss." Ribbit's blue eyes were wide and glassy. He blinked furiously and held his head. "That didn't go as expected."  


Frank handed him his medicine and a juice box. "And what did you expect, Rib?"

"I don't know. To shut them up."

"Them?"

"They said I couldn't spin fast enough to teleport."

"Ah.." Frank nodded like he understood Ribbit's logic. "Well, you'll have to prove them wrong later, right now you should rest and let your meds settle."

"Sure thing, boss." Ribbit then lounged back on the couch, arms behind his head, feet propped up on the coffee table.

Frank shook his head fondly and went about getting the others. He noticed he hadn't saw Gerard out today. The doctor cleared him last night as free to roam again, but so far, Frank hadn't saw him up and about. He peeked in as he came to his room. Gerard was curled up on his side, head buried in his pillow and softly crying.

"Gee..? You okay, dude?" Frank slowly crept into the room, confused. Gerard was fine last night, he was talking to him, enjoying his comics.. what happened?

Gerard let out a little sobbed gasp and turned to look at Frank and moved to sit up. His large doe eyes were wet, tear tracks running down his flushed cheeks. "Frank.. I.. no.." His bottom lip quivered as he cried harder and he dropped his head in his hands. "I'm so stupid, Frank.. it was my.. my fault.. I shouldn't have been there, then they wouldn't..." He trailed off with louder sobs.  


"What? No, Gerard, no.. don't say shit like that. What happened to you wasn't your fault." Frank sat down beside him on the bed, his heart could've broke at the sight of him. He was shaking he was crying so hard. And that he could think that it was his fault..  


"I deserved it.. he was right, I was at that bar, dressed like that.. like a slut.. I shouldn't have been there.. I should've been home working on my comic.. now it'll never get done.. I'm.. I'm so sorry, Frankie.."

Frank was taking him in his arms, holding him and rubbing his back to calm him. "Shh.. Shh.. it's okay, Gee...you couldn't have known what would happen, you made a mistake, but that does not mean that they had the right to kidnap you and take you or hurt you. You did not deserve any of that. You are not a slut.. you're so wonderful, you don't even see it."

"Then why was I there?" Gerard sniffled and looked up at Frank, long lashes soaked with tears. "I'm so sorry I threw up on you.. I didn't mean to. You must think I'm awful."

Frank petted his hair back. "No.. no, I don't. I don't mind, I've had worse happen, I'm an orderly. That was nothing. You couldn't help it. And I could never think you were awful. Never."  


Gerard's wet lashes fluttered against his soft cheeks. "It hurts, Frankie.. it hurts so bad.. I can't make it stop.. I couldn't stop it.. I couldn't stop them.. I let them hurt me.."

"No, they hurt you because they were very bad men, it could've been anybody else, I'm so sorry it had to be you. I'm so sorry it was you, it was anybody. No one deserves that, Gee. You know that." Frank held him back close, continuing to rub his back and whisper soothing things to him, rocking him a bit and letting Gerard cling to him and cry it out.

Maybe this was more progress, Gerard wasn't opening up in therapy or group about what happened to him, he hadn't really faced it and took it on and it had to be eating him and haunting him. So, if he needed Frank to purge it, Frank would listen and try to be there for him.

"Shh, sweetheart.. I got you.. you're safe here, I'll never let anything happen to you ever again. I promise." Frank kissed his head and had his fingers in his hair, gently petting it. How could anyone do this to another human being?  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems like they're getting shorter. Eh, I never intended them to all be that long. These were typed out on my phone in LJs private posts, and so with the first two I couldn't really judge it and they got away from me. This is as slow as I've ever went with a pairing getting together.


	5. Expressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard feels horrible after his break down and reverts back inside his head, Lenny tries to start shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's sort of a derogatory term in here at the end, explained in the end notes. Also, I suck at chapter titles.

Gerard had been quiet for hours. He was embarrassed at what he had done. He broke down in front of Frank and... He let shit get to him and he blubbered and whined about his problems to his only friend in here. It was embarrassing. How could he do that? Why did he have to break down like that? Frank said it wasn't his fault, but he couldn't believe that. It was nice Frank believed it, believed he couldn't be a whore. But he was wrong. There was nothing wonderful about him. But it was nice that Frank thought so, in a way.. but it wasn't true and he couldn't cling to it.

He picked up the black crayon and started moving it across the paper. He needed to express himself.. but he couldn't do it to a stupid therapist that didn't give a damn what he was going through, that was just paid to listen to their patient's bullshit. Not that their therapists were bad people, they tried.. but they just didn't truly understand what he had went through. How angry he was at those men and how awful he felt when they touched and used him, stuffed him in both ends and poked him with needles and sharp objects. How they pinched and grabbed and prodded.. how they humiliated him by pissing on him.. how they made him feel like a fucking worthless whore. They didn't understand! They didn't! How could they?!

Gerard was gritting his teeth, moving the crayon across the paper furiously, his breathing hitched in frustration and eyebrows furrowed tight. The crayon ran across the paper faster as he pushed down so hard it almost broke in half.

Finally the crayon did break and he threw it across the floor, crumbling the paper up in his hand, he felt like crying again. He whimpered and tugged at his hair, panting. He felt so pathetic.

Frank watched him with concern. He saw Lenny also watching and gave him a warning glare that he'd handle it if Gerard got out of control. Gerard let out a scream and Frank moved to go sit beside him, not touching him yet.

"Gee..? Gee..?" He risked carefully touching his shoulder and Gerard flinched, not looking at him. "It's just Frank. You're okay.. just breathe.. breathe.. you're right here with me, you're not back there.." He grabbed his hand and squeezed it. Gerard continued to tremble but calmed down, only slightly muttering. "You wanna talk to me?"

Gerard shook his head, staring forward, glaring hard at the floor, but focusing on nothing. "Later." But probably not.

"Okay, whenever you're ready. I'm right here. If I'm not, you have them call me and I'll come in, okay. No matter what time."

Gerard nodded, but he'd never bother Frank on his off hours. He couldn't bring himself to ever do that. He wasn't worth it. He wasn't worthy of Frank's attention. He wasn't worthy of anything.

"Whatever you're thinking, it's not true, okay. You gotta block that shit out. Make it go away, ignore it. It can't own you. Don't let it." Frank's head was close to his while he whispered to him. He hoped Gerard was hearing him. He'd keep telling him until he got through.

Gerard continued to twitch, still staring forward and seeming lost inside his head, inside his own hell. He didn't talk much after that little episode, just took a seat by the window and sat staring outside and probably focusing on nothing at all. Frank kept an eye on him as he went about his job. He picked up the paper Gerard had drawn on, it was of his captor, drawn as a huge monster with jagged teeth and gaping jaws, eyes blown wide and evil, fingers curled into gnarled claws with long talons for nails. It would have been such a cool drawing, if it wasn't of such a shitty experience. Frank folded it up and put it in his pocket, he wasn't sure if he'd show it to the therapist or not.

\--xx--

He ended up showing her anyway. Her name was Danielle Ashton and she was very nice. She was a therapist and a doctor, but she was rarely there, she was very busy and basically just visited certain places. Frank knew her in certain circles, but didn't know her well. A few times he caught her at a club he had been dragged to, she played guitar and sang as a hobby. Her long blond hair with a purple streak in it was pulled back into a ponytail, she had a nose ring and tattoos, and usually wore a white lab coat over black rock tees and holey faded jeans with boots. She could be the alternative punk chick version of Abby on NCIS.

She studied the drawing as she tapped a pen against the top of the desk. He had only shown her because she wasn't Gerard's doctor or therapist and she could give a estimate not based off knowing Gerard and how he was, or how she felt about Gerard in particular. She knew he had been kidnapped and held captive for a week by three men who raped and tortured him and that he was here because he slit his wrist during the third trial for his captors. She knew he hadn't attempted it again, had been here for months suffering depression and flat out refused to try and deal with it. She knew the others thought it best he deal with it when he was ready.

"Wow, Iero, what did you bring me..?" Danielle sat the paper down on her desk, still studying it. "Okay, so it's like obvious that he's trying to cope with his ordeal through art. Some rape victims have been known to draw the attackers or the attack itself. This is most likely Gerard's way of dealing with what he can't talk about."

"It's not like he hasn't talked about it though. He had to tell a whole courtroom what happened to him."

"And just think about that, dude.. I mean, it was probably humiliating and rough. So, he might be trying to dissociate. He's talked about it, but he feels the best way to handle it is ignoring it, yet it feels like the dreams aren't letting him. Maybe in order to recover and move on he's going to have to face what happened and realize it wasn't his fault. This shit's never easy, what he went through was horrible, but he'll have to recognize it and not let it ruin his life, he can get better and get out of here and have a normal life.. but he has to want that. It sounds like he's not ready right now."

Frank sighed softly. No, Gerard definitely wasn't ready right now. But he wondered if he'd ever be ready to let it go so he could live his life again.

Danielle lounged back in her chair. "So, you coming to my show tomorrow night? I'm performing at the Hole." The Hole was a bar where Danielle and her band often performed.

"Not this time. I'm sorta swamped."

Danielle nodded in understanding. "Yeah. Your patients are lucky to have you, Iero."

\--xx--

"I talked to this really nice and pretty awesome doc today. She says she'll see you if you're interested. She won't judge you or tell you how you feel, she'll listen. Even if it doesn't help, it's worth a shot.. right?"

Frank was talking to him as Gerard gazed out the window, spring was coming, but the problem with that was, all it could do was rain. He realized that the rain was very important to the growth of the flowers and the tree leaves and making everything, including the grass, bright and green again.. but it was still depressing. He sighed, watching a little red bird flapping its wings in the gentle spray of rain, cleaning itself. It was happy and probably chirping cheerfully. He adored the sight.. and yet he hated it, envied it. It'd be nice to be a bird and just fly away.. even though he wasn't a big fan of flying. That was ironic.

"You can think about it. I won't push you. I just want you to be okay." Frank chewed on his lip. He was pretty sure he wasn't getting through. So he left Gerard to sit and stare at the rain while he checked with some other patients.

\--xx--

Days passed. The nightmares persisted and he'd wake up crying, then cry himself back to sleep. He usually didn't have nightmares the second time he fell asleep. He knew he had to deal with this and block it out, he was trying, but he just couldn't. He remained quiet, Frank would talk and he'd pretend not to listen. But he was listening, he really was. It just didn't make a difference what Frank said. But he did like hearing the sound of his voice and hearing him talk to him.

Mikey had visited a few times, brought him his sketchbook. His mom and dad had yet to show. That hurt a little, but whatever.

"You think maybe why your parents don't come to see you is they're ashamed to have a fag for a son?" Lenny asked, sitting backwards in a chair across the round table from where Gerard sat at as he sketched.

Gerard briefly glared at him, but didn't want to dignify that with an answer. His parents knew he was gay and were perfectly fine with it. They hated Jordan, though, thought he was a prick. He wondered what they'd think of Frank. They'd like Frank. Frank was good. Gerard kept drawing.

Lenny huffed. "I'm talking to you. Is it because you're a fag?"

"No, I'm not a cigarette, and even if I did identify as a cigarette, they'd still love and accept me. They smoke anyhow, and so do I. Hey, if I was a cigarette, and I smoked cigarettes, would that make me a cannibal of sorts?" He rambled, never looking up from his paper. Though now he wanted to draw a large cigarette smoking a smaller cigarette.

"You're one weird nutcase." Lenny shook his head. "They want to believe you're still here because you're fricking traumatized or some shit, they wanna believe you're harmless. But I think it's because you're dangerous."

Gerard merely smirked and kept sketching.

"I don't think you were kidnapped and raped. I think you let those men use you. I know the shit you've done. You were another no good addict junkie bitch that doesn't deserve someone to always come save you, but rather let you die in the gutter like the trash you are. You were arrested once for public intoxication, but the judge dropped the charges since it was your first offense and you were just a kid. You were nothing but a damn drunken whore."

Gerard growled low under his breath, Lenny was trying to get to him. But he wasn't going to let him.

"What then fuck are you drawing anyways?" Lenny snatched the paper and Gerard let him. He stared at it in disgust. It was him, impaled on some sharp stake-like fence posts, mouth agape and eyes widened in horror. "You really are psycho. Is this a fucking threat? Huh? You threatening me, is that it?"

Gerard merely stared up at him. "It's just a drawing."

"Yeah, well.. you know what? When I jerk off, you know what brings me off? Thinking about you being held down and getting that pretty little ass of yours pounded hard by an big thick cock, imagining you screaming and writhing. Being used like the dirty slut you are. I love imagining that mouth on my dick."

Gerard growled and scooted back from the table hard by pushing back with both hands on the table top. "Stop! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Gerard was tugging his hair now, rocking in the chair and muttering. It was favorite song lyrics usually, that calmed him down sometimes.

"What? Did you try and off yourself during that trial because you knew you had sent three innocent men to prison, by saying they raped you? What? Did they promise you drugs for sex and then hold out on you?"

"Noo.. please.. stop.." Gerard looked up and glared at him with so much ire it could have melted an iceberg. "Leave me alone!" And yes, he was yelling and throwing and shoving things.

Lenny had his needle out and was more than happy to use it, when Frank grabbed his wrist and wrenched the needle out of his hand.

"You do and I swear to fuck I will end you."

"You're always right there, aren't you, Iero?" Lenny hissed.

"Yes, I'm like your fucking shadow."

"More like a fucking creep, stalking me, stalking that loser. Creepy." Lenny then rushed off in a huff.

It took some time getting Gerard calmed down to a few soft and pitiful whimpers, but Frank did it. Frank had told Joe what Lenny had did, provoking Gerard. He only got wrote up and sent home for a couple of days, not fired. But hey, there was two days without Lenny. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm already to chp 9, but I've been too lazy, too busy, too annoyed, or felt too bad to get out the laptop and properly edit and post them. The fag thing "Cigarette, known as a fag in colloquial British and Australian English. Fagging, in British public schools." Lenny uses it as a homophobic slur, Gerard turns it into a sarcastic remark. Most of the psycho babble is just them trying to figure shit out. Danielle is based off a OC I created years ago when I was 9yrsold, and kept and let her grow up named Missy Asher, who was a guitarist in the imaginary band I had as a kid, and grew up to be a doctor. She is not there to steal anyone, or fall in love with anyone, or be a romantic interest whatsoever.


	6. Animated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard busies himself in his art and refuses to sleep because his captors are in his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks to some really creepy, uncomfortable molestation in italics. Really, it made even me uncomfortable, so just skip it if you don't want to read it. It borders on pedophilia, but there's really no underage, just a twisted psycho fantasizing there is.

Gerard had busied himself in his art over the past few days, always sketching furiously on some paper or whatever he could get a hold of, like a brown paper bag if that was handy at the time and he didn't have his sketchbook. Frank would often find him moving different crayons across some paper, focus completely on his task, biting his lip, or the tip of his tongue poking out past his lips in concentration. It was driving Frank crazy and that made him feel like shit. Even if he could ever have an actual relationship with Gerard, he doubted Gerard would ever be up for anything sexual. Not that Frank would ever pressure or force him, hell no. Frank could control his urges, they didn't control him. But he still couldn't deny being sexually attracted to Gerard, still couldn't deny fantasizing about him. And he admitted, watching those adorable teeth of his sink into his plump, pink bottom lip, or that pink tongue poking out to swipe across his lips was making Frank's cock twitch hopefully. Then Gerard was bringing his left hand up to nibble on his thumbnail and it was getting to be too much.

And Lenny, that assfuck, was leering at him, smirk creeping slowly across his lips as he watched Frank watch Gerard and suddenly he felt like a pervert. Frank waited until Lenny moved on before leaving the rec room and going to get today's meds ready.

Gerard didn't flinch when Frank came up and sat his juice down on the table, he was used to Frank's scent by now. "I like your body wash, Frankie." It was fruity and sweet.

"Yeah, real manly, huh?" Frank quipped, smirking, because he didn't care if it wasn't manly.

Gerard shrugged. "I don't care for men's body wash, too overpowering, like they're trying to overcompensate for something.. they gag me. Smell like a gigolo." Smelled like Jordan. Gerard never could stand his body wash.

"And you'd know what a gigolo would smell like, how?"

Gerard stopped sketching and glanced up. "I don't, I just think that's probably what one would smell like. Too masculine." Then he was back to drawing.

"You're probably right." He handed him his pills and Gerard stopped for a moment to take them and down them with the grape juice. "What're you drawing now? Can I see?"

Gerard shrugged again and showed him. It was of a large classic cartoony-looking cigarette with arms and a face, it had a black biker hat tilted to the side, its eyebrows in a V-shape to look mean, and it was smoking a smaller cigarette that looked frightened and was sobbing. Above it was the word 'Cannibal' in scratchy lettering. Frank wasn't sure if it was supposed to be funny, or deep, or ironic.. it was kind of cool though.

"I got the idea when Lenny was pestering me the other day, he kept calling me a fag and I told him I wasn't a cigarette, but I smoke, or did, and if I was a cigarette and I smoked, would I be like a cannibal, or some shit."

And Frank couldn't help it, he laughed. "That.. that is so awesome. You're amazing."

Gerard didn't agree, but smiled anyway. He liked hearing Frank laugh. Then Frank leaned down and kissed him on the top of his head, and it was like the most surreal thing ever. Gerard flushed slightly, feeling something warm run through him. It was nice. Frank stroked his hair back before leaving him to go about dispensing the rest of the meds.

\--xx--

It was chilly inside today and Gerard sat on the couch curled up in a crocheted blanket. The heat was now broken and they had to have a repair man fix it. Then it'd be spring and summer and warm weather and then the air conditioning would probably break and it'd be too hot. Isn't that how shit just went? Some really badly drawn cartoon was on the small tv mounted on the wall. Really, what the hell had happened to animation anymore? At least the kiddie show's animation. He thought 'Scooby-Doo, Mystery Incorporated' was badly drawn and the characters seemed so terribly out of character, but then 'Be Cool, Scooby-Doo' was so much worse. It felt like watching bad Scooby-Doo fanfiction animated. 'The Looney Tunes Show' was a poor substitute for Looney Tunes.. he had once defended 'Teen Titans Go' having worse animation than the original, but that was nothing compared to this. They were drawn so blocky and goofy looking..

Eh, maybe he was just being cranky and critical. It was just a different way of interpreting it, a different art style. It probably wasn't bad, but it damn sure wasn't the same. He switched it to Disney to watch 'Gravity Falls', the drawing style was similar to a bunch of other cartoons out right now, but at least it wasn't bad, and he liked the story line. It actually had a story line adults could follow and jokes they could get, and yet, it was mindless enough to get lost in and offer a distraction.

Frank plopped down beside him with a mug in his hands. "Here, I brought you something warm...ish.."

Gerard accepted the mug. "Is coffee?"

Frank giggled as Gerard brought it up to his nose to snuffle at it. "No, sorry. It's hot cocoa. Well, it isn't too awful hot, but I'd still be careful anyway."

Gerard took a small tentative sip, decided it was good and not scalding and took a bigger sip. "Thank you. But it'd be better if it was coffee." He narrowed his eyes at Frank when he said it and Frank gave him a cheeky smile.

"I know. I'll try sneak you some. I don't think they'd mind too much you having any as long as it's not too hot so, you know, no accidents can happen and no one can get burned."

"You mean so I don't burn myself or others." Gerard sighed.

"I didn't want it to sound like that and you know it. Besides, you're not a danger to anyone. But certain other assholes can't be trusted. At least it should be okay if I supervise." Others like Lenny, he didn't trust Lenny.

"I know, Frankie." And Gerard buried his cute little pixie nose back in the mug.

\--xx--

_He had been asleep, when he was woken up by a sensation between his legs. He groggily raised his head off the mattress to see Jeremiah between his legs, lips sliding up and down his cock. His hand was wrapped around the base of his cock, thumb stroking his balls and he was humming softly around his dick and Gerard felt disgusted. He tried to move away, but Jeremiah's nails dug into his hip hard and kept him still._

_"Please stop.. I don't want this.. please.."_

_The man pulled off his cock with a sickening wet pop, long hair hanging down in greasy strands, eyes dark and blown wide. "Your dick tastes so good. I like it in my mouth. I like sucking it."_

_All Gerard could muster was the world's smallest "Why?"_

_Jeremiah snickered. "I like pretty little boys. You're older, but you don't look it. You're so pretty." He licked up the underside of Gerard's cock and took the head back into his mouth, tracing the tip of his tongue around and over the slit. Gerard's hips bucked involuntarily. He felt sick. He felt so sick._

_Jeremiah was back to bobbing his head, making the awfullest sucking and slurping sounds. They were making him nauseous. And what was worse was his dick didn't know any better, to it it was just a sensation. Not rape. He was being molested by a psychopath and his damn cock didn't know the fucking difference._

_Jeremiah had his pants unzipped and was rubbing his own dick while he sucked him off. He was getting off on this. Then he pulled off and was climbing up Gerard's body to lay beside him, pulling Gerard to his side to face him. He felt his hand on his dick, stroking him softly._

_"You're so pretty. Such a good little boy. You be real good now and use those hands on me."_

_"No.. please.."_

_Jeremiah grabbed his wrist and shoved it down to his crotch, helping him wrap his fingers around his cock. "Now rub, just like I'm doing.. do just like I'm showing you."_

_It was sick, Jeremiah was imagining he was a little boy who didn't know how to masturbate or give hand jobs and he wanted to teach him how. But Gerard wasn't cooperating._

_"You do it, or I'm gonna bend you over and shove my dick into you dry. You don't want that, baby boy. I'll rip that little ass up. Make you bleed and hurt."_

_Gerard tried to bury his face in the mattress. He was sure he was crying now. "Stop.. I'm sorry.."_

_"You're gonna be sorry. Maybe I'll take my belt off and give you a reason to cry. Now rub Daddy's cock like a good boy. Make Daddy feel good."_

_Gerard was trembling, he started stroking with shaky hands, but it was good enough for Jeremiah, who continued to rub him._

_"Oh, that's good.. such a sweet little boy, you're so good at this.. yeah.. do it right like that.. your hands are so soft.. so pretty.." He was kissing his neck and collarbone, sucking on his skin. "I bet your mouth would feel so good. Oh, yeah.. you're so good.. like it when you touch Daddy like that. You can't tell anyone, they wouldn't understand. But Daddy likes when you touch him there. You like when Daddy touches you there too, don't you?"_

_Gerard had spaced off, letting him ramble on until he felt Jeremiah buck his hips, his cum hot and sticky in his hand as he moaned and breathed hotly into his ear. He shuddered in disgust. Then Jeremiah was moving back down to roll Gerard onto his back and take him back into his mouth. And he didn't want to, no matter how bad he wanted it to be over, but Jeremiah was rubbing his balls and slipping fingers under them to massage his taint and he was cumming, crying into his hands and feeling dirty._

\--xx--

He didn't want to sleep because he didn't want to dream about _them_. He didn't want to be back in that cold dark room. He had stole a flashlight he found sitting on a table that a repair man was using to fix a busted light and hid it in his room, so when it was lights out he could still see to draw. It was pathetic, to let them own this much of him. Sure, he had put them away, but they still owned him because he couldn't let it go. It wouldn't let him let it go.

He hid the flashlight in his dresser drawer under his socks and underwear. He was exhausted the next day, having not slept, but no more damn nightmares. He knew his no-sleep plan was flawed, he couldn't do this forever. He'd have to sleep eventually. He snuck into an office once and stole some coffee off their desk. He tried a sip, it was warm, but not hot, so he downed it quickly. It did very little stabilize him, but he couldn't let himself sleep.

\--xx--

It had been two days, Gerard was twitchy and jittery, he'd start to nod off and jerk his head back up and focus back on his drawing. Those were getting worse, his lack of rest affecting him seriously. His head throbbed and his eyeballs ached, he even felt a tightening in his chest, like a panicky feeling. He felt bad, so bad, and so tired.

Frank was worried, he was sure Gerard wasn't sleeping and he was afraid if this persisted, they'd have to knock him out. Frank found Gerard in his room, sketching away. "Hey, man, what're you drawing?"

"I'm not sure.. it has wings.. maybe a bird.. it has to be a bird.. yeah, maybe a falcon.. maybe a dragon.. maybe a bat. No, it's a bat, a big ass badass bat from hell." Gerard babbled quickly.

Frank sat beside him and reached over to rub his back. "Gee, you're gonna have to sleep. If you don't one of the other nurses or orderlies or whoever is going to have to knock you out, I promise it won't be me, I won't do you that way, but I'm worried, Gerard. You know how they'll put you to sleep, right? You don't like that."

Gerard sighed. He knew Frank wasn't threatening him, merely warning him. And he knew he was right.. but, he just couldn't. "They're in my dreams, Frankie.. I'm not free of them, they wait for me, they won't let me go, I'm still their prisoner and their toy. They're not in jail, Frankie, they're right here with me."

Frank pointed to Gerard's temple. "They're right here, babe. I promise, you can let them go. They can't hurt you anymore unless you let them. You have the control and the power now, Gee, they don't have it anymore. They're in prison, probably being some bigger badder prisoner's bitch."

Gerard let out a dry laugh that held no humor. "Like that matters. It still happened."

"I know. But you can get past this, Gerard, you can take back your life. I know you can, I have faith in you. Mikey has faith in you, your parents have faith in you."

"They won't even come and see me. Lenny said it was because they were ashamed to have a fag for a son.. but that's not it, they were okay with me being the way I am.. but maybe they are ashamed.. maybe they're embarrassed because of what happened to me, because I went to that bar to get fucked up again.. but I didn't get drunk. I went to, I had every intention of falling off the wagon, but I didn't.. I didn't, Frankie.. I stopped myself.. I was so proud.. but then as I was leaving they snatched me in the parking lot. I had been leaving, Frankie.. and they got me. I'm an embarrassment to my parents, they had to sit in court and listen to their son describe how he was raped and tortured. No wonder they won't come see me." Gerard sniffled and wiped away the few tears that managed to escape.

Frank hugged him close. "I don't know why they haven't came and saw you, I can't speak for them, but I don't think it's because they're ashamed of you, or embarrassed that you were-" Frank shook his head. "I just don't. They might be afraid. It probably hurt them a lot to know that their son had been hurt so badly. They might not know how to handle that. It isn't your fault. None of it. You went there to drink and you said no, you walked away. You have every right to be proud of that. But those men have no right to be proud of what they did to you." He was stroking his hair now. "You're so beautiful, inside and out, you deserve so much better than this. You deserved to be treated like you're the most precious thing in the universe, because you are."

Gerard gazed up at him. "You think I'm beautiful?"

Frank stilled. He had fucking said that last part out loud. Fuck. "I didn't mean it like.. I mean, yeah, you are.. but I wasn't trying to-" Fuck, fuck, fuck.. he had messed up. This could push Gerard away from him and make him think he was like his captors and he'd never trust Frank again, or he could tell and Frank might lose his job for fraternizing. He wasn't supposed to be attracted to his patients..

Gerard was concerned, Frank had closed his eyes and now he was doing the whole muttering thing and it was kind of cute. So he leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. He wanted to giggle at how Frank's eyes snapped open. "I think you're beautiful too, inside and out." Then he buried his face in his neck, feeling comforted by his natural scent and the scent of his damn body wash. This was safe. Frank was safe. Frank would never hurt him..

Frank could never hurt him.

That realization made all the sense in the world right now to his frazzled, tired brain. Gerard laid his head on Frank's shoulder and nuzzled the side of his face. "I'm so lucky to have you, Frankie." He said with a breathy sigh.

"Ah, Gee, it's nothing." He felt Gerard's hand on his knee before it was lightly caressing his thigh. "What're you doing?"

"You like me, you want to help me.." Gerard kissed his neck. "I need to know I'm not broken, that it won't own me." Then his hand was between Frank's legs, rubbing him through his scrubs.

"Oh, god.. hey..?"

"You'd never hurt me." He wiggled his fingers a bit.

No, Frank wouldn't, but this was wrong for so many reasons, and that sucked because it was Gerard and it felt so good and he'd love nothing more than to continue.. but.. "Gerard, stop.  I can't.." He moved his hand away and got off the bed.

Gerard looked truly crushed. "You think I'm used goods too."

"No, sweetheart, it's nothing like that."

Gerard looked upset. "Or I'm too fucked up from being raped that I can't want sex. Well, I still do want sex. I don't want those psychos to ruin my life. I wanna know if I can still enjoy it. I wanna prove that they don't own me."

"But what if you can't enjoy it? Gerard, I don't want to be the one who messes you up further. I hope you can still enjoy sex again one day.. but we can't.."

"Why not?"

"I don't think you're ready. It's not that I don't want to, or don't find you attractive or worthy.. I do.. I do so bad.." He closed his eyes and reopened them. "But now isn't right."

"Maybe you just don't want to fuck a useless whore." Gerard huffed, crossing his arms.

Frank slouched. "It's not that either and you are not a whore. We can wait. I just don't want to hurt you.. and you're a patient and I'm an orderly, that would look really bad."

Gerard sighed. He was right. He didn't want to get Frank in trouble, he'd get fired and Gerard would never see him again. "I'm sorry, Frankie.." He dropped his head in his hands. "I really messed up. I don't know what came over me. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay, Gee, really. We can take our time." He sat back beside him and stroked his hair. "I do really like you, Gerard.. more than I should. But I would never take advantage of you."

Gerard smiled. "I'm really glad to have you. You make me feel safe and sane." No, Frank would never hurt him. Not even when Gerard was offering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reading back thru that rape scene was uncomfortable. I've written a lot of nasty shit, but that.. sorry. That may be the last bad flashback for awhile. Jeremiah's look could be based on a toss-up between Bert McCraken, or a crazy CM Punk. Shit does get a little happier for Gerard and Frerard will begin and grow. The 'fag' thing from last chapter was all for Gerard to draw something about it in this one. Honestly, I have no problem with a fag being a cigarette, but I hate it as a homophobic slur, it was Gerard's way of combating that. The opinions on the new cartoon's art was me being frustrated. It's just a different style, and that's okay, but I don't particularly care for it. No offense if you guys do, you don't have to not like it because I don't. It's cool. I do love Gravity Falls though. I'm really bad and lazy at titles.


	7. The Storm on the Outside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank likes to send gifts, Gerard likes to draw, Roman likes to be a creep, the weather likes to storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A patient masturbates and is a real creep, nothing heavy.

Frank was determined to romance Gerard. So he sent him pink carnation flowers in a plastic vase.

"The flowers are a lovely gesture, but whoever sent them doesn't know that they're dead. They don't need to kill flowers in my honor." Gerard said, nose buried in his book, a twitch tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Frank slouched. "I'm sure they meant well."

Gerard then smiled, because it's not like he didn't know who they were from. "I know, Frankie."

Gerard borrowed a few big heavy encyclopedias from the library- it's not like anyone else was using them for anything- and in between the pages of the bottom one in the stack, he put the flowers between two sheets of wax paper he had Frank acquire for him so he could press them. He stacked the other eight encyclopedias on top of that one.

So, Frank started giving him small bouquets of fake flowers. He'd just leave them where Gerard would be; on his bed, on the rec couch. They were made of some kind of silky material, but were pretty like the real ones, and these would never wilt and die. Gerard got a hold of some tape and started taping the small bouquets to his wall as a decorative piece. It was a nice addition to the plain solid white wall that bored him and drove him crazy to look at. There were roses and carnations, irises, lilacs, lilies, sunflowers, hibiscuses, anything Frank could find. They had plenty at dollar stores and shit for much cheaper than real flowers and they'd last forever.

He'd also leave him little encouraging notes.

_'You're so sweet', 'you're cute', 'I like being around you', 'you're so talented', 'just wanted to say you're the most beautiful soul I ever met.. also you're eyes, they're beautiful too', 'I love it when you smile'._

And Gerard would leave Frank little drawings of random things; a picture of a cartoony coffee mug with a jazzed expression on its 'face', a picture of Lenny as a jackass, sometimes even a drawing of Frank himself.

Frank even had stuffed animals sent to Gerard. Like a big soft Grumpy Care Bear, a green turtle- that Gerard named Girdy, for whatever reason- a little raccoon with big eyes and a soft body. He thought he might need an army of plushies to keep the nightmares away. And he gave him a dreamcatcher to hang on the wall above his bed, just in case. Gerard doubted that would work, but the gesture was so sweet. Jordan had never spontaneously given him gifts, big or small. Gerard liked the small gifts. Frank even got for him an extra comfortable pair of thick slipper socks to keep his feet warm. 

\--xx--

It was pouring to rain, coming down hard. A loud crack of thunder rang out and the lightening flashed outside the window, lighting up the night sky. Gerard curled up tighter under the blanket. He didn't like the storm, not when it was this bad. Rain he could handle, but this was like the heavens were angry.

Roman Wexler sat watching him from the corner of his eye. His chick Casandra hadn't been visiting and the little emo boy was just so pretty. An even louder clap of thunder sounded and he jumped and hid even more under the blanket. Roman wet his lips, watching him shiver was fun. He had his knees tucked up to his chest on the couch, his arms wrapped around them and his head buried in his arms. His hair was getting a little shaggier now and always looked in a constant state of uncombed, like someone had been pulling and tugging it..

Then that damn orderly that always hung around him was there, stroking his hair back and whispering shit to him as he sat beside him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Gerard looked up at him and gave a little smile that showed no teeth, just lips pressed together, his weird little pointed nose scrunched up and eyes squinted. It was kind of cute.. if you liked psychos, Roman thought.

Frank leaned over and kissed his forehead. "See, storm's not so bad." Then another boom of the damn thunder made the orderly jump and that made Gerard giggle and snuggle closer to Frank. "That's so not funny."

"Awe, we can protect each other from the big bad storm." Gerard had his head laying on Frank's shoulder now, closing his eyes as he yawned and smacking his lips. "Rain's making me sleepy, Frankie."

"You wanna turn in early? I'll sit with you for awhile before I head home."

"Do you really wanna drive home in that shit, Frankie?"

Frank sighed and stared toward the window where the rain literally cascaded down. No, he really didn't. He dreaded even going out in that shit. He'd try and wait until it calmed down. "Not right now, I don't. Sheesh, it's pouring out in buckets."

"Mhm.." Gerard got up and helped Frank up and headed for his room. Night meds were dispensed and there was nothing else to do, but sleep. He had been sleeping more peacefully at least. He still had the occasional nightmare, but it was mainly blurred and he'd wake up before the really bad stuff happened. It helped when Frank was there to stay with him until he fell asleep. It also helped that the flowers- and where he had used different colored crayons in some of his recent art work and taped the pictures up on his walls- had added a bit of color to the white room.

He was still embarrassed about a few nights ago. He was sleep deprived and wasn't thinking clearly. Truth was, he had no idea if he could have normal sex again. He thought maybe one day.. he didn't think he could talk to a therapist about that, he didn't know how to address it. They'd probably tell him he wasn't ready and he knew that, he wanted to know when he'd be ready, or if he could ever be ready. He wasn't even sure what he and Frank had, but he liked what it was so far. He didn't want to mess that up.

\--xx--

The next day Gerard watched the clock with concern as he sat on the couch. Frank was late, which was unusual. Frank was always on time, or early.. and if he was late, it was only ever by a few minutes. It had stormed bad last night and Frank went out in it. He hoped he hadn't got sick.. or something bad hadn't happened. He thought about things he didn't want to think about. Maybe he was just sick.. he knew Frank had stayed sick as a child.

Gerard sighed and took his focus away from the wall clock, because that wasn't helping. He grabbed his sketchbook and began to draw some badass pumpkin with an evil grin, since Frank was born on Halloween- like how fucking cool was that shit anyway?- with the words 'Keep the Faith' in beautiful calligraphy. His hand writing was usually shit, but this was turning out wonderful. Frank would like it.

He had gotten so into it he hadn't paid attention to his surroundings. He heard heavy panting, and then a groan and looked over to the large table in the middle of the room, sitting on the other side was that guy they called Roman, the one with the horndog girlfriend. He was lounged back in the chair, hand down his pants, obviously rubbing himself off. He was staring at Gerard, glassy-eyed and focused. His lips twitched into a little smirk when he saw Gerard look at him. Then he wet his lips and began thrusting up into his hand, moaning.

Gerard was horrified and disgusted.. okay, it wasn't like some of the patients here hadn't just randomly started wanking it.. but usually they didn't know any better and some really didn't even know where they were, who they were, or what day of the damn year it was. But Gerard knew this guy knew what he was doing. He wasn't crazy, just a sociopath, apparently. Gerard shuddered when Roman blew a kiss at him, then was bucking his hips and moaning as he obviously came in his pants.

Gerard shook his head and looked down at his paper. His face felt hot, so he had to be blushing furiously. He began scribbling really fast on a new drawing when he was startled by a heavy body flopping right down beside him.

"Hey, pretty baby, enjoy the show? I know I liked you watching me. Did you like watching me?" He raked a strand of Gerard's hair unnecessarily behind his ear. It just fell back down.

Gerard flinched violently and moved away to the other cushion at the end. He didn't want this creep touching him. He didn't want this creep talking to him.

But then Roman was sliding back down beside him, trapping him against the couch arm. "Awe, c'mon now, don't be rude. Your little boyfriend's running a bit late." He threw his arm around him and Gerard tensed, freezing completely up, his heart racing as his anxiety mounted.

"Please stop. Don't touch me. I don't like to be touched." He managed calmly.

"Oh, baby, don't lie to me. I see how you are with.. Frank, is it? He really likes you. Who could blame him? You're so pretty and soft.." He was lightly brushing the tips of his fingers up and down Gerard's arm, giving him unwanted contact and chillbumps. "Your skin is so smooth."

Gerard pushed him away. "Leave me alone. I do not want you touching me or talking me. It is my right as a human being not to be terrorized."

Roman laughed. "Well, it seemed you were in here because some other guys couldn't accept 'no', huh?" He was then grabbing Gerard's arm hard and yanking him closer. "I don't take no as an answer either." He wet his lips and grinned. "Besides, you look like a hott chick anyway and my girl hasn't came to visit in awhile. We can go to the broom closet. What do you say?"

"No."  Gerard replied with a defiance he was proud of himself for.

\--xx--

Frank cursed as he got into the shower, his alarm had apparently reset itself when the power went out last night. Frank had been so dead to the world, he didn't even know it, so he couldn't set it back and he overslept. He knew the power went out because it was flashing when he woke up. Fuck, Gerard was going to be upset.

He dried off and dressed quickly and headed out. He'd grab a bite to eat at the cafeteria when he got to work. He got there and was nearly lectured by one of the nurses for being so late. He grabbed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich from the vending machine and scarfed it down quickly, chasing it with a can of soda.

He hurried and changed into his scrubs and was off to check on Gerard. Morning meds had already been dispensed by Ray. Frank was whistling a bit cheerfully when he entered the rec.. but what he found, he didn't like, and that was the end of his cheerful mood. Roman was leaning over a squirming Gerard, who looked frightened. Then Roman was shoving his hand up Gerard's shirt.

"C'mon, baby, I can rock your world. Forget about that little midget."

"Hey, get the fuck off of him." Frank growled, drawing Roman's attention.

"Or what? What're you going to do if I don't, chief?"

Frank grabbed his shirt and was pulling him off. "I said get off, he obviously doesn't want whatever your offering."

Roman merely gave him a grin and shrugged. "I wasn't serious, god. I was just having some fun, I wasn't going to do anything." He bowed to Gerard, who had curled up into a ball, hugging his knees to his chest, rocking and muttering.

"Just get the hell out of here." Frank watched him leave and then was tending to Gerard. "Hey, hey.. it's alright. I'm here. You're okay."

"You're late." His voice was tight and watery, like he was about to cry- and he probably was.

"I'm so sorry, the stormed knocked the power out and it reset my alarm. I overslept, I didn't mean to. He didn't hurt you, did he?"

Gerard shook his head. "I'm just glad it was your alarm and nothing bad happened."

"Don't worry about me, I can handle anything. I'm fine." He was then massaging Gerard's shoulders.

Gerard relaxed slightly. "He was sitting over there masturbating in front of me. He got off when he saw me see him. I told him no, I said stop. I said no, Frankie."

"I know. I'm really sorry. I'll tell Joe about it."

Gerard shrugged. "Here, I drew this for you." He handed him the picture of the badass, evil looking pumpkin, not making eye contact. He had to do that sometimes, disassociate himself.

"Oh, wow.. this is fucking awesome, Gee. I mean, it's wicked. I love it." He kissed Gerard's temple. Gerard smiled, he liked making Frank happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh, I really don't have anything for this. Roman's a creep. Girdy? I have no idea why Girdy.


	8. Visitor Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikey comes to visit again, and while Gerard loves seeing his brother, he's not in a very good mood, Frank usually makes things better..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long, real life is kind of being a demanding bitch. Real life sucks. Reality sucks. It's why we write.

The next day Mikey visited. "Hey, man, how're you doing this week?"

Gerard shrugged. "Fine, I guess. Just feel a little cooped up."

Mikey took a look out the window at the dreary weather. "Yeah, Frank's told me he's gonna take you out when the weather gets better."

"The weather... oh, Mikes, you didn't come out in that just to see me, did you?" Gerard honestly looked stricken.

Mikey raised an eyebrow at him. "Of course I did. It's just rain right now. Frank also tells me you've been sleeping. That's good. No nightmares?"

"They're not as bad. Mostly I just dream of the weirdest shit.. like when we were kids, Mom and Dad are there.." Gerard had his arms stretched out on top of the table, one hand playing with the other hand's fingers.

Mikey shifted in his chair. "Yeah.."

"I miss them, Mikey. When are they coming to see me? I want them to." Gerard inquired for what seemed like the thousandth time.

"I know, Gee, I'm sorry.." Mikey scratched at his hair, elbow propped up on the table.

"Is it because they're ashamed of me.. what happened to me..? I went there to drink, but I didn't, I was leaving when they 'napped me.. I promise.."

"I know, Gerard, they know. They're not ashamed of you, or what happened to you, not at all. I swear. This is.. this is hard on them.." Mikey paused. "They.." And paused again in trying to find the right words. "It hurts them to know that you were hurt.. they could've lost you. Those men could have killed you."

"Yeah, they could've lost me, but I'm alive.. so why aren't they coming to see me while I'm still alive?" Gerard was getting a little upset now.

"Shh, calm down.. it's okay. I don't know. I'll try and get them to come. Don't work yourself up. I'm sorry, Gee. I really am. I'm-" Mikey cut himself off and sighed.

"You did nothing wrong." Gerard said quietly.

"I know.. but you called that day and said you needed to talk and I wasn't there.. I said I couldn't.. and maybe if I had met you that day you'd never went to that bar.." Mikey's hands were now in his lap and he looked down at them, not at his older brother.

"Don't do that, Mikey. That wasn't your fault."

"It still sucks."

"Yeah, it sucks." Gerard agreed.

Mikey had left early, leaving Gerard to sit and listen to some camouflage wearing dudes tell one's grandmother about their truck escorting jobs. She looked happy to see her grandson, but really he shouldn't have brought his buddy with him. Apparently, her grandson had lived with her until he met his friend and stuck his nose up his ass, he moved out and barely came to visit her, but that wasn't the main problem, there was apparently some other really bad family shit that happened and her depression got worse and she was here following a nervous breakdown. She seemed to be doing much better though. Gerard was glad, she didn't belong here at all.

But all these yokels wanted to talk about was themselves and their stupid truck job. "So we then ran out of gas-"

"Yeah, we call him Karl Junior now after Sling Blade. 'I ain't got no gas'," That was the idiot friend, whatever the grandson saw in this shithead, Gerard did not know. He was loud, obnoxious and annoying. "We say hey, there, Karl Junior, I ain't got no gas!" Why it was necessary to repeat that, Gerard did not know, but his voice was getting on his nerves.

Gerard dropped his head in his hands. They were giving him a headache. Mostly they rambled on about trucks and not having a taillight and some guy not knowing where to stop and gas this and road curve that. Just on and on like it was the most exciting thing in the world. What about their grandmother, though? How was she doing? Like they cared. Coming to see her was just an obligation. Gerard wished his grandmother was still alive, she'd come and visit him, she'd tell him everything was okay and he'd believe her. She had always been there for him, and he hated that she couldn't be here now. He missed her so much.

He was just glad when visitor day was over. He was too moody to deal with other's bullshit, as bad as that sounded. He didn't want to deal with nothing today, he didn't feel like doing anything. So he curled up on the couch under a throw blanket, wiggling around to get situated and hoping to get warm. He had just gotten comfortable when he realized he had to pee.

Gerard let out a whine. Fucking hell. So, with a tired breath, he threw the blanket off and got up, shuffling to his room and to his small bathroom. When he was finished, he came back out to find a dozen fake red roses on his bed. He smiled and picked them up, kindly wishing he hadn't told Frank to not get real flowers so he could smell them.. but the fake ones would last forever and they felt velvety to the touch. He laid them back on his pillows and wondered where Frank had gone. He hadn't saw much of him today, he had been busy with it being visitor day.

He sat down and picked up his stuffed turtle Girdy. He was considering getting a real turtle and naming it Girdy when he got out..

When he got out..

He didn't like to let himself think about that. It's not that he didn't want to get out of here and go back home.. but he didn't like to let himself think about that either. He didn't think going back to his old life was possible. What if he got depressed out there and decided to get drunk again? What if he got 'napped again. Kidnapped was still a surreal word. He wasn't a kid, and adultnapped still sounded silly. So he just went with 'napped.. or maybe nabbed would have been more appropriate. Yeah, nabbed was definitely more appropriate.

Gerard sighed. He had done it again, letting his brain change the subject whenever he even thought about getting out of here. It's not like anything was waiting for him out there. Mikey, sure.. maybe their parents.. Jordan was out of the question. Not that that mattered anymore. Jordan basically abandoned him, and it hurt at first.. because damn, he thought he was more important to him than that.. but then he started to realize that he didn't care that Jordan didn't care, or didn't come to visit. He had never really loved Jordan, he loved the attention he got from Jordan. And he was certain Jordan never really loved him. So it didn't matter. It was better that they parted and this had been a good excuse to do it. Jordan could go out and find someone who wasn't broken and damaged, someone he could be proud to be in public with, someone who didn't randomly gain weight. In here he had lost weight.

He was so lost in thought and looking down at Girdy as he petted the soft plush shell that he didn't realize Frank had came in and was talking to him.

"Gerard..? Hey..?" He smiled when Gerard looked up at him. "Spacing out?" He leaned down and stroked the turtle's head with one finger. "Hey, Girdy. Here, it's time for your medicine."

Gerard sat the plushie aside and threw back the pills, chasing them with orange juice. "You should bring me O.J. more often."

"Noted. How're you doing?"

Gerard groaned, he was tired of being asked that. By Mikey, by the staff, by the therapist who tried to make him talk in group today. She was new and he didn't like her.. but it wasn't her fault. And now Frank. He knew Frank or Mikey didn't mean any harm, they were concerned and he genuinely appreciated that.. but he wasn't sure how to answer.

"I'm really fed up with being asked that question, Frankie. I'm sorry." He sighed.

"No, it's okay. I mean, it is annoying. Like when you're out in public and you enter a store and they asked how you're doing or whatever and you can only answer with 'good' because even if you've had the worst day ever, they don't need to be burdened with your junk."

"Yeah, but those people are just being polite because you're a potential customer. I guess it's kinda like that, but not the same. Those people are usually strangers and of course your shit doesn't matter to them.. but Mikey asked and that new therapist, and I just said I was fine. I hate it because I don't know how to answer. And people usually know when you're troubled and you say 'I'm fine', or 'I'm okay', it's just a lie, because you're not okay. And you can't tell them that." Gerard explained.

"Well, yeah.. but you can tell me. I get why you would tell your brother you're fine. I get why you don't want to talk to a strange therapist you only just met, or even the others you've known since day one. But you can tell me." Frank sat beside him on the edge of the bed and wrapped and arm around him and Gerard naturally leaned into the embrace, laying his lead on Frank's shoulder. "I promise I won't judge you, or mock you. I've seen you at your worst and I'm still here."

"You don't deserve to be burdened with my bullshit either, Frankie."

"I'm not burdened." He kissed the top of his head. "Trust me. I care about you, I want you to get to being okay. For real okay. You don't have to be fine, you don't have to be perfect. Let's just aim for okay."

"You'd make a good therapist, you know that?" Gerard snuggled closer, comforted by Frank, by his smell, by him talking to him, by him just being there. "It's mostly like a roller coaster, there's days when I really believe I could be okay and on those days I feel like all the bad shit could be viewed as just silly. I feel silly for being broken and I think it could be alright.. but then there's the bad days and those are really depressing because they show me that I'm not alright and I was silly for ever thinking I could be again."

"Yeah.. so you just hold on to the good days while you have them because they're precious, like you." He knew Frank wasn't telling him to do that, Frank was telling him that he _did_ do that and he was right. "And you're not broken. I've seen broken, Gee, and you're not it. You might be a little cracked, but you can overcome that, I know you can. You can go home, you can want that, I know you have to. I've seen your drawings of your home."

"How do you know it was my home?"

"It had 'my home' written on it."

Gerard huffed. "That was actually my parent's home. I've never had a place of my own. I lived with them, I had a room in the basement."

"Ooh, like a little baby bat." Frank giggled, laughing when Gerard pinched his side and squirmed.

"I'm not a baby. Anyway, I moved out with Jordan a few years ago.. but that's not my home anymore.." Gerard paused for a second. "Oh, shit.. all my stuff is at Jordan's. I probably won't ever get it back. All my art, my comic, my comics, my clothes, my makeup.." Well, okay, the major shit, but he still had stuff at his parent's house too, so he wasn't totally without.

"Hey, don't worry. If he still has them, we'll get them back. That guy's a mook anyway, not coming to see you. He's crazy for ever abandoning someone so special." Frank nuzzled the top of his head.

"I appreciate that, Frankie, but I'm not special. I was just a waste of his time."

"Then he is an idiot. And don't put yourself down like that. I think you're special, you're not going to tell me I'm wrong." He poked Gerard's side.

"Hey, quit." He squirmed away, only to be poked and prodded some more until he was giggling uncontrollably while Frank tickled him as he now lay back on the bed. "Nooo.."

"You say I'm right and I'll stop." He was enjoying making Gerard laugh and wiggle.

"No." Gerard stated as Frank hovered above him on the bed, fingers splayed menacingly over his rib cage. Gerard bit his lip as a little smile tugged at them, batting his eyes. "No." And he was giggling some more as Frank's fingers dug into his rib cage, wiggling and making him thrash and squirm.

"Yes, say it.. say I'm special."

"You're special." Gerard managed to gasp out. His cheeks hurt and he had tears in his eyes.

"That is not what I meant. Say that you're special."

"You're special."

Frank sighed and stopped, still poised above Gerard as he laid on the bed. He was gazing up at him, skin flushed and panting from laughing so hard, full lips parted and curled up at the corners in a little grin. Frank just studied him for a moment before leaning down. "Can I kiss you? It's alright if you wanna say no, I won't get mad, but I want to kiss you."

Gerard nodded, still smiling, this time voluntarily. He closed his eyes as Frank leaned down to capture his lips. It was slow and soft at first, Frank was moving his lips against his and it felt so good.. fuck, did it feel good. Jordan was never a fan of kissing, but Gerard liked it. He liked it a lot with Frank. He reached up to wrap his arms around Frank's neck, hands going to card through his dark hair as Frank deepened the kiss, licking at his lips in seeking permission to enter. Gerard parted his lips to allow it, letting out a little mewl and arching his hips up..

And that was when Frank stopped and raised up, looking downward. "What's a matter?" Gerard's smile faded to confusion.

Frank moved up off him and Gerard glanced down to see the bulge in his pants. Gerard was hard and he hadn't even realized it. There was the tickling and the kissing and, yeah..

"Um.. I'm sorry.. I didn't mean.. uh.." Frank swallowed, moving away from the bed. He had really messed up this time.

Gerard sat up, blinking and confused. "Frank, it's okay.. I swear.. I'm fine." And this time he really did mean it, 'I'm fine' wasn't always a lie. So he popped a boner, that shit happened to every guy.

"Look, I'll see you tomorrow. G'night, Gerard." And Frank was gone, not stopping when Gerard yelled his name. He felt bad, he did. He managed to do something really inappropriate with a patient.. even though, Gerard had become so much more than just a patient to him.

Frank left in a hurry, not even changing out of his scrubs. He got his car unlocked and got in, fastening his seat belt and not waiting for the car to warm up, he was too hot already. He didn't make it far before he was pulling off to a dark area. He was then shoving his scrubs down past his cock and taking hold of it, stroking fast and hard. His arm was against the steering wheel and he banged his head against it. And oh, fuck, he couldn't help it. He felt ashamed, but all he could think about was Gerard laying there flushed and squirming, biting his fucking lip and batting his eyelashes. Fuck, he looked so good, so tempting. He probably wouldn't have even minded if Frank would have taken advantage of him. His hand gripped the wheel tight as his hand moved up and down his aching cock. He thought about Gerard's plush mouth and how good it would feel on his cock instead of his hand.

He felt like shit as he came hard over his tattooed fingers, smacking the steering wheel and scaring the shit out of himself when the horn honked as he hit it. Frank got some napkins to clean off with and fixed his pants, he waited for his breathing to calm down before pulling back out into the road and driving home.

He jerked off again while laying in bed, imagining Gerard's ass pressed against his crotch and swallowing his dick completely whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Sling Blade line was from my own real life, while I was trying to write this, my cousin came to visit and he brought his idiot friend who just had to quote that twice in a row. It was kinda really annoying, he's kinda really annoying. I've never saw Sling Blade, I'm not sure exactly how the 'got no gas' line is supposed to go, it was just someone quoting it. The lines are based on my cousin and his idiot friend, but them or the woman in the scene is not my cousin or my grandmother. No, adultnapped isn't a real word, it sounds really weird too.

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's been done, but I wanted to do my own mental institute Frerard fic. The OCs were just created for the purpose of the story. I usually name the mental institutes Gateway in my work.


End file.
